Here Are Some Alternative Ways of Thinking To Help Calm Yourself Down When Being Hunted By The Perfect Killing Machine, the Coronavirus — So we’re in the midst of the novel Coronavirus that may very well be the worst global pandemic and disaster of all time. But there are so many reasons not to panic. Just because an invisible human-killing machine, known as COVID-19, has invaded our shores, so what? We’re already freaking…

Within a matter of just days, the media has shifted its attention to the Covid-19 threat in the United States. Headlines once focused on Trump, now everything seems to be linked to the Coronavirus. Here are 12 headlines from the past few days… — WORRIED HOW THE PANDEMIC WILL AFFECT HIS PRESIDENCY, TRUMP RELEASES ORIGINAL DRAWING OF AN ANTISEPTIC BORDER WALL THAT WOULD HAVE PREVENTED CORONAVIRUS FROM ENTERING INTO THE U.S.

So this is the day that all Midwesterners look forward to. After a long and hellish, cold-as-fuck winter, the groundhog awakens from a long winter’s nap, and goes outside his den to look for his shadow. According to the national legend, if the groundhog sees his shadow there will be…

Down the road from my house, there’s a certain pothole I hit everyday. It’s covered in snow, and it seems to move around on me. I make a mental note every day I hit it, not to hit it the next day, but it’s always there. It’s not a little…

It’s all a matter of your own perception, I guess, but… Living in the midwest during winter is like living in a frozen hell hole. I’ve never seen so much snow, ice and all-around bad weather. Earlier this evening a snowman knocked on my door and wanted to come inside…

All of these serial killers still remain at large, obviously too embarrassed to ever kill again for fear of getting caught and linked to the nicknames. — Abilene Ass Muncher — This Kansas killer’s signature was eating the anuses from each victim. Talk about heinous to the anus! After all leads dried up, police urged the media to re-name the killer due to all of the jokes circulating about the Ass Muncher. …

Entry 1 — Hello my children. God here. For centuries people have been complaining that I never talk to them or give them signs of my existence. I hear countless prayers each day regarding this subject, so I thought I’d open up my own blog and talk to everyone at once. I’ll answer…

Almost all of my last year’s Woodies predictions came true as I highlighted the top-12 porn spoofs of 2019 at: https://medium.com/@cult_of_kill/top-12-most-anticipated-porn-spoofs-of-2019-14f5731bd65a Now that 2020 in almost here, we can now focus on the most anticipated full-length feature porno-films now in (re)production. …

At a bar on Christmas Eve, my friend Smiley and I were discussing the D-Cup breasts of the girl he had picked up the night before at a local department store. She had been working outside as a bell-ringer for the local Salvation Army. “Bullshit,” I said, shaking my head…