curlygirl
curlygirl
Aug 24, 2017 · 4 min read

I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve been busy (and a little lazy, sorry…). In the last week, a lot has happened. Some good, some bad. But I like to believe that the bad has only happened to help me have a better future (that sounds really cheesy…).

I’ll start with the bad so that this can end on a good note.

So in my last post, I told you guys that I left the group chat that I had with my two friends. For the sake of simplicity and anonymity, I’m going use their initials, A and J.

So they did reach out to me and asked me why I left, which I was kind of relieved by. It made me semi-happy to know that they cared about me at least that much.

A reached out to me first. She asked me if I was okay, asked me what was wrong. I told her that her and J only seemed to care about what was going on in their lives. She apologized and explained that she has a lot going on in her life, but she still cares about me. I explained how I was feeling, that every time I told them something about my life, they were either non-responsive or minimally responsive. I let her know that her and J were hurting me and that I felt like they didn’t care about me. And during the entire conversation, she showed remorse. She showed me that she did actually care about me and that she felt bad for how I’ve been treated. Overall, that conversation went pretty well. If she reaches out to me, I’ll talk to her and I’ll let her know when good things happen to me. But I’m going to lean on her a lot less than I tried to before.

Now, J. J is an entirely different story. Here’s how our conversation went:

J: Hey, did you accidentally remove yourself from the group?

Me: It wasn’t accidental. You only seem to care about whats going on in your lives, so I removed myself because I was tired of it.

J: To be honest I hardly look at the group chat…

She didn’t apologize, she didn’t even seem to realize that she did something wrong. I pointed that out to her and that’s when she apologized. The rest of our conversation was a long back and forth of her giving me excuses why she didn’t talk to me (at some point she told me not to bring her boyfriend up and then stated him as a reason for not hanging out with me). She only apologized that one time and didn’t tell me she cared about me at all. Eventually, I was fed up and said this:

“Look J, all you’re doing is telling me that I’m doing things wrong instead of apologizing for how you’ve been acting towards me. You’re telling me that it’s my fault you don’t care about me, instead of telling me that you do (because I believe that somewhere deep down you do). If that’s all you’re going to do, then I’m done with this conversation. How you’ve been treating me has been really crappy, and I’m tired of it.”

After that, she told me that she did care about me, but that she was treating me the same way I was treating her (which is SOOO wrong). So I stopped talking to her.

That was a really shitty Monday, and it only got worse when my bf was too distracted by videogames to comfort me (I wasn’t surprised he did that and normally I’d be okay with it, but that day it just added to my bad day).

The rest of the week went pretty okay. Actually, it went pretty well. I started noticing some changes in myself. I have (recently diagnosed) severe clinical depression (one of the several annoying traits I got from my family), so I don’t have great self esteem and don’t normally look at myself and think “I look great today,” and I don’t really get super excited about anything anymore. But in the last week, I would take a selfie (to send to my bf) and think “I look really pretty in this photo” or “I look so hot in this pic”. Or today, I got really excited because I had Star Wars easy-mac for lunch (I’m kind of a nerd (maybe more than kind of), fyi). And the fact that I’m noticing these changes and that I know they’re good means (hopefully) that they’ll happen more often. I’m not sure if it’s because of my bf or if it’s because I feel like this giant weight has lifted off my chest since my conversations with A and J (or maybe the anti-depressants are finally working), but I’m so glad that I feel this way.

And that’s not even the most exciting thing that’s happened this week!!

So, I LOVE horror movies. SO much. I have a pretty big collection of them (over 40, I think, which is a lot considering I started collecting not that long ago), and last week I lent a couple to one of the guys I work with who also loves horror movies. So yesterday, I went to go talk to him to see if he had finished my movies yet (I lent him “The Grudge”, “The Possession”, and “As Above So Below” (my personal favorite)). He told me that he hadn’t finished them, but he had a whole box full of movies that he wanted to give me. Yeah, that’s right. GIVE me. Apparently, he has a bunch of duplicate copies from having the original and then buying the bluray or something like that, and hes GIVING me his duplicates!! I’m so freaking excited!! And he’s a bit older than me so I’m sure it’s going to be a box full of old classics like “The Exorcist”, “The Birds”, and the original “Psycho” (I already have the new one). It’s gonna be great!

I hope you guys enjoy my exciting news-things as much as I do. And please feel free to give me feedback about my writing or what I’m writing about (or if you have any movies you would like to recommend).

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