Easter Frat Functions and My Sunday
I didn’t really celebrate Easter this year, I went to church, but that because I’m a true American not a good Christian. Had my eyes open during prayer (like a real heathen), stood clutching my hands at my waist while the band played bangers for Jesus.
I wish I could enjoy the music as much as the front row church goers, dancing like they were off a double dose of Molly at Sasquatch, like Avicci just dropped a fat slab of bass on their pious heads. Kinda like that except nobody spiked communion, and Avicci isn’t a 48 year old acoustic guitar player who’s also in a Wilco cover band.
Made me wonder what Frat functions were going this holy weekend. The only one I heard about was a “Bunnies and Honey’s” party, which functionally has some issues for me, like what do the guys dress as? Either you get done up as Peter Rabbit and all the dudes who came wearing basketball jerseys call you a pussy, or you sac up and dress up as Buzz from the Cherrios box (high risk high reward, you’re either getting laid or leaving the party at 10:30). All I’m saying is where my creative frat minds at? we could do better…
He is Risen, The King of The Brews: This one’s an easy one, only rules are no hard alcohol and if your gonna show up you gotta be dressed as our lord and savior. Party on.
Pontious Pilate Riot: Everyone dresses as one of the Disciples and pretends they just found out Judas ratted Jesus out for 30 silver coins (If your gonna believe Mathew), If this one is fueled by some last supper Franzia it should get pretty rowdy.
Lambs of God and Mahoud Ahmadinejad: Everyone gets dressed up like baby Jesus except one guy, he dresses as the former president of Iran (These were harder than I thought).
Leopors And Lutherans: All the chicks get done up like they have leprosy, and all the dudes pretend like God alone absolves them of sin. Let the good times roll.
Ok, maybe my party ideas aren’t as good but at least they’re a little more true to the Easter spirit. Maybe I’m just envious because I’m in the twilight of my track season and I’m withholding Pabst Blue Ribbon from my yearning body. Nevertheless, if you’re in a frat or sorority right now do your job and implement some clever word play into your parties, make me proud.
