A week from now
A week from now, I will finally be leaving Texas. It’s kind of unreal that this whole thing went by so fast
I feel a lot of things. I feel excited that I am finally going to stop counting the days till Friday, that I will be reunited with my best friends and boyfriend on the East Coast, that I will be accomplishing so much in the next year at Yale, and that I will get to be at home and can work on things in peace with my tea. I also feel relieved because I will be done with my presentation, and that I will get to leave Texas. I’m also kind of sad because the space from everyone and everything and being on my own really taught me a lot about myself, and gave me some fraction of clarity. Still, I am proud of myself for making it-even through the periods in which I felt like as I was fighting depression. I fought so hard through that and to exist in this state with knowing no one. I am proud of myself for getting my research done, and to an extent that my principal investigators did not anticipate. I’m proud of myself for all that I’ve accomplished this year, and most importantly the person that I’m becoming. It was certainly a summer of growth.
I guess let me sum up everything that I’ve learned:
- I’ve learned that I do want to pursue a career in medicine. I am certain of this. I have my fears, but I do believe that this is what I’m called to do. As I wrote my personal statement almost effortlessly, and I realized how I really did know why I wanted this. I have the capability.
- I want my life to not only be driven by my passion for medicine. I like that my life is influenced by art, botany, writing, and running. Medicine is a job that I love, but I want to be remembered as an artistic, multi-faceted person. I like that I come home from research, code for my other job, update my pictures, run, and then draw at night.
- I’ve learned that I really need to believe in myself. Other people see so much good and promise in me, and it’s time for me to see it in myself. I can feel negative talk disappearing and it’s nice. I can feel other people encouraging me in small ways.
- If you can’t be happy for other people, you will never ever be happy. Just because it’s not your turn, doesn’t mean your turn isn’t going to happen. This is so important.
- Love is trust. I can’t emphasize this enough. It seems as though this only pertains to your significant other, but it pertains to you as well. This distance relationship is still so hard some days, and it all feels so risky. However, I have to trust myself to be accepting of the situation and to be strong. I trust what we have, I trust him, and I trust that whatever happens, happens, and that I can handle it. I am learning to be patient with him and with myself.
- Keep note of what makes you happy. Do these things everyday, if you can. Make sure that the things that keep you happy are healthy for you.
- I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m less inclined to question that path now but rather enjoy it for what it is. As much as everything has been a rollercoaster with moving, it’s cool how I’ve seen so much.
- The worst outcome always seems like it’s going to happen. Usually it doesn’t. Don’t let anxiety eat you and magnify the worst outcomes.
- Take it day by day. Rome was not built in one night. Grit is so important, and can determine success.
- I am so much different than I was a year ago, and I’m so proud of that person.
- Living the moment does a lot of good.