Everything is going to be okay.
That Sunday night, I lie in bed wondering what it would be like — to hold him, to kiss him, to hang out with him.
It had been 60 days exactly. I had spent so long with out him that I had almost forgot what it was like. I was feeling excited, but maybe even a little bit anxious.
When I picked him up at the airport, it was unreal. I couldn’t believe that I was holding hand, that I was kissing him, and that I would get to spend time with him. The first 2 hours I felt completely nervous around him, it was almost as if it had been our first date. But soon enough, we were back at it.
And then later that night we both said “I love you.” I haven’t said those three words and meant them in 3 years. This was kind of meaningful. I had the most amazing time with him even though Houston was hot and there was little to do. And just like that, within 3 days, he was gone.
I was so fearful of him leaving. I knew that what felt like a blanket of sunshine and happiness-the most happiness I’ve felt since moving here-would disappear. I knew that I would hit with a blanket of sadness. I was watching him leave back to the East Coast, the place where I had gained so much happiness, while I was stuck in Houston. He left at 4am, and I saw the moon and a single nearby star. Even when I was back on the East Coast, he still would be far, and it wouldn’t be the same as before.
I had the expectation that this day was going to be awful. I expected that I would go back to my desk at work, and that I would be sad.
But as it turns out — that didn’t happen. I slept very little, but that morning bought a coffee, and began to prepare for a meeting. I came up with 11 ideas. 8 were turned down, but 3 were really encouraged. The professor I had met with, who happens to be very skilled in the field, told me that I had greatness written all over me, and that I needed to shut down any negative talk. Then, I went to get more coffee to get through that day. As I walked, I finally got an email for a job that I applied for with an offer for an interview. Then as I bought coffee, I paid for a small one only to get a large for free. I then went on to my next meeting, and my PI was so impressed with my work. I finished my meeting to see that he had texted me that he had gotten home safely. I’m so glad.
This all highlighted something — that even though I loved him and missed him, that I would be okay. God was sending me signs that I needn’t be upset that he left. God was looking out for me. That honestly, if me and him are meant to be it will work out. I believe in what we have, I will try to make it work, and I will do earnestly try to be good to him and myself. However, I do believe that everything will fall into place. What was supposed to be a bad day-turned into an amazing one. I may be fearful about things, but anyone who has been in my situation has felt that way. As fearful as I am, I can’t let that fear interfere. It’s a natural part of life. As they say, “It’s going to be okay, and if it isn’t okay, it’s not the end.”
