My toolkit for being a father
My father died when I was 7. Since then I’m always searching in a way to compensate this and being a father, then trying to be the perfect father is my way. When I came to 22 I started looking for a wife to build a family, have a lot of kids … When I got 28 my first daugher was born and 4 years later the second one came. Here is what I’ve found being useful for me:
Theory
First, lets start with some princples I share. They are very importnat part of my arsenal for being a father.
- If the parents are OK when the children are OK.
- I’m not perfect and I do a lot of mistakes … way too much that I would like. Quoting a favourite educator of mine “If I was perfect I would be with the angles up there”
- We are here on Earth to learn and grow. Parenthood is a good way to do this — children are pure mirrors of what you are. They come clean and they can teach you well
- Children survive despite of the parents. Parents are there to help the child become herself.
- Every child is unique. We shoud try to develop child’s own temper, nature.
- Child should be adaptive. No matter what happens in the future she’ll know the way
- Child should be balanced between I, us and the whole.
- If you share the principles of the lean startup movement you can look at your child as a project. Put a process so you can be easy with yourself, work smarter than harder, try-validate-learn, etc.
Between 0 and 7 years
According to some pedagogical teachings, there are 3 phases of child’s development — between 0 and 7, between 7 and 14 and between 14 and 21.
So my kids are in the first phase. For this phase development of the child’s body should be most important.
As Lyubov Mironova says: “children till 7 years should walk barefoot on the ground, count the ladybugs, wade in springs, sing to the wind, lay back and watch the clouds, stare at s snail for hours, climb trees, eat fruits directrly from trees, watch the fire …”
During the first period children don’t listen what you say. They copy and paste what you do. So don’t waste your time saying what kids should do and start doing what you want them to learn. Education in human values is a good step to take here. Ofcource you cannot be good at every human values so find teachers/educatiors who posses qualities that you don’t have and send your kids there.
If anyone is going to be a father soon. Guys, don’t worry. Specially in the first couple of years men task is to help the mother. Don’t try play as a second mother for your child and save your energy when the kids’ll need it.
Here is a good article about this period:
В слънчевата педагогика се обособяват три периода в развитието на детето. Всеки един от тях носи своя фокус - от 0 до 7…goo.gl
Practice
So if the body is most important at that time, then the answer is SPORT. Applying some of the principles above I go with my kids doing sports I like or I want to become better at. Here is a list with places near Sofia I go and things I do:
Deni Chobanova from http://www.pluvanesbebe.bg/ has this positive attitude to children and always chooses the best pools. Spark pool centre with salt water and a steam bath is a perfect for a father and a child.
I go climbing for years before I bacame a father so Desi from www.gravitybg.com is a good choice.
Dances are definatelly something I would like to improve. I asked and Marieta from http://sofiadancebg.com/ allowed me to learn from the kids.
Skiing is definatelly our sport. I put belts and for the hot spring days when there is still enough snow we go to Vitosha and climb the tops.
We do a lot of bagpiping, singing and dancing together. Getting a job that includes activities with your kids is always a good idea — you get some money and build the relationship with the kids.
Often we go gardening and harvesting.
Being a father sometimes requires setting up a hole kindergarten so you can walk by foot to it, have a party with the other kids and feel comfortable that yours are going to a good place
Books
My top 3:
I have this one on the kithen table. Before the breakfast we read what activities can we do today (separated in 12 categories). During dinner we count how many we’ve done and write them down, following the pomodoro technique.
This one is good to learn what is your role as a man in the family and the fatherhood.
Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen is written by a man, psychologist and contains good examples of meaningful activities
When it comes to books for the kids I always consult with my Petya Kokudeva and her Facebook Group ЛУЛУ.
Advisors
It is always a good idea to ask. Often advices are something you already know but it is good to hear it from somebody aside. I often search for advice Petia Gieva from http://koopacademy.com/ and Lubov Mironova from http://www.frud.bg/.
