Day 69

Xine Way
Xine Way
Jul 10, 2017 · 3 min read

One of my biggest problems today is finding ways to let go of the past.

But regardless of where you go, your past will always catch up to you.

I learned that especially after flying all the way to Taiwan to leave behind everything and everyone I loved and cared about early last year.

I’ve found that no matter which emotions and memories you repress, they’ll find a way to haunt you until you’ve learned how to let go of them.

This summer is my time to think back on the past and finally let it go.

I’ve been through so much already — unexpected deaths in the family, deaths of friends’ parents, friends’ family problems, problems with my own self-esteem and confidence, multiple hospitalizations and suicide attempts, and so much more.

It’s been trying.

And I’ve had to give up dreams.

Dreams that my first love would be my only love, dreams that I could work at Pixar or some other animation company, dreams that I could do what I loved for a living.

And maybe I don’t have to give all that up. Maybe it just takes a fresh perspective on life, coupled with realistic goals.

I don’t know what the future may hold, but I do know that I control the narrative of my own past.

I have the capacity to talk about things that are traditionally taboo because those topics are the ones worth talking about — especially for mental health, considering how little people know about it nowadays.

It’s difficult to explain what depression is like when others mistake it for laziness.

It’s difficult to explain what anxiety is like when others mistake it for excessive worrying or overthinking.

And yet these are very real problems that can plague the psyche of the everyday American.

More people struggle with anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues than you may think.

We all have our own inner demons, and learning to confront them is a valiant effort to reclaim our lives and live according to our values.

I just pray it’ll all be worthwhile. That the struggles I face today will have made me stronger and more resilient than ever before.

The deciding factor that distinguishes success is grit — the ability to persist even in the face of adversity.

It’s that “never quit” mentality that gets you further in life.

It’s your ambition to seek and pursue greater and greater challenges in life and prove to naysayers that you can, in fact, do exactly what you set your mind to do.

I guess what I’ve learned through the messiness of life is that no matter what happens, no one can break my spirit. The only person who has the capacity to do that is myself, and I won’t have my dreams taken away from me ever again.

I still remember how others have discounted my dreams in the past, but I resolve to prove them wrong and do the things I’ve dreamed of doing for so long.

For now, I’ll just try to save money through my summer job and focus on the present and future.

The past is the past — it doesn’t define me.

And my future looks promising.

So I hope that by practicing gratitude and choosing to live and thrive now rather than worry about my past or future, I’ll be able to experience life more fully and welcome change.

Because change is bound to happen.

Life is bound to surprise you.

And the most you can do is do your best given the situation you’re in.

Xine Way

Written by

Xine Way

Artist who thinks and feels out loud

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