OpenSSL Disables Entire Internet In Next Release

After a recent release that disabled the SSLv2 protocol by default, OpenSSL developers realized they’re better off disabling the most insecure part of the picture: the entire Internet. This new feature will be added in OpenSSL 1.0.1alltheletters and 1.0.2evenmoreletters. Users will be able to disable this feature at build time through an ` — enable-skynet` flag.

Security experts praised this move. “Finally someone pulled the plug on the Internet. I can now give up on society and become a member of a small tribe that worships nature.” stated a security analyst. Trolls were devastated by this action however, and were forced to crawl back to their holes of insecurity and reconsider their life actions. We’ll update this story with more information when we figure out an Internet alternative.