Coronavirus, Stealing life & Death
5 Ways to Grieve & Heal in Isolation and Quarantine
Many of us know the feeling, a knot in our stomach, tears, a lump in our throat, all familiar signs of an anguishing heart. Funerals are our way to bring a semblance of closure for the living. It’s when our community gathers to recognize a loss. But with many states and countries having a stay at home order in place this is not possible. It feels awful enough to have to live in quarantine with the COVID-19 virus stealing our life on a day-to-day basis. And it feels 10 times worse to have the coronavirus steal death from us. It seems to be the cruelest, most heartless invisible enemy.
Aside from stories, shared meals, humor, and music the one thing that all of us crave during grief is touch. A hug, A kiss, a supporting hand are all part of our humanity to celebrate the life and loss of a loved one.
Unfortunately, Stories Like this are where we are at now:
Now we must have a new way of coping. However this is compounded by feelings of guilt and lack of closure, there’s no one simple solution to heal this loss. We can, however, take stories like the one and process our broken heart with tools that we have available to us. And when this is all over we can reach out for the touch and final closure that we Long for. It is not a substitute nor an easy solution but as people we are resilient and as human beings, we are been known to have a capacity for surviving the impossible.
Since we cannot gather fully as a group, given that we may carry the virus or some of us may be in quarantine since we’ve already been exposed. We must depend on technology even at a time such as this to stream a funeral or memorial service, carrying on Family tradition honoring the one who passed. Words from a pastor, priest rabbi or other religious leader were seen on a screen to bring us Comforting words in our time of grief. We all know that grief can be an isolating experience normally, but with the coronavirus quarantine requirements, our process is even more lonely.
So given all of this how can we cope? In a time of loss, it is important to remember that our feelings are valid, that we are not alone, we may be at a point now when it’s not possible for us to physically connect. One way to remember that we’re not in this alone is to remember we are not the only life that is touched in this time of loss. Acknowledging our feelings and how this loss impacts others is a valuable first step towards moving forward.
1. Give yourself time to process. Don’t rush through the emotions that you experience it’s OK to experience the pain of loss. This is critical for us to reach a place of acceptance, but when we do so and realize that the person we miss is no longer here is at this point that we can Allow the connection we had to help us in the days ahead.
2.Self Care: A big but very valuable step is to choose to practice self-care. This can feel unrealistic or even monumental but if we are not able to care for ourselves we will not be able to heal. Taking care of our own personal needs such as hygiene, eating, staying hydrated, resting and even exercise are all vital to us and even more so during a time of isolation. Don’t rush yourself too quickly But he determined to do one thing each day to take care of you. The next step under normal circumstances is to find support. That obviously looks different now.
Nonetheless connecting, talking to others, & reaching out is critical to our mental and physical well-being as we process grief. Journaling, creating, mindfulness, visualization and meditation are all helpful to relieve our sense of loss. We have physical and emotional hurt both trigger our pain response. Our brain cannot distinguish the difference between one another; it knows that there is a loss. Dealing with this pain is critical to our healing.
3. Acknowledge that you cannot defeat grief but you can manage it. Some very helpful ways to deal with or manage this grief is to express your grief by creating something. Through this, you can learn to let go of the pain and embrace the joy of the connection you had with the person you lost. We are all human and mortal so we will experience a sense of our in our and mortality through grief. This is normal. It helps us through the healing process believe it or not.
One of the best ways that we can grow is to determine what we learned from our loved one. Identify what this was and use it to help spread their legacy. You can do this through creating a memory board, a video, and connect to those who also knew them well.
One of the best ways that we can grow is to determine what we learned from our loved one. Identify what this was and use it to help spread their legacy. You can do this by creating a memory board, a video, and connect to those who also knew them well. One of the best ways to do this is to ask questions regarding their experience being open to listening will help us have an even deeper appreciation and understanding for the person we love. Ask them what they feel, your loved one would like everyone to know. You indeed know that you may know them very well however be open to hearing and learning if you want to you may not have considered.
4. Mindfulness being aware of our mindset and how we feel is valuable in grief and healing. A calm mind has her sense of peace and will quickly find relief through creativity. It also heals the body long stressed to release and cortisol levels to reduce. When we incorporate rest more oxygen gets into our blood improving physical health in every part of our being.
5. Focus & Forward Momentum. When you’re ready you can change the way you feel, see how Tony Robbins changes the way he feels in 10 minutes. He does this by.
- Genuine Gratitude
- Breath
- Movement
- Focus on moving forward
Moving forward, focus on moving forward, using what you learned to compel you it to your personal goals growth and Legacy.
Helping Kids Deal with Loss. Stories are a great way to help them process. Here is one with imagery and animation to help them relate and cope.
Working with kids through loss can be very challenging. They are experiencing the same feelings you do that without the same emotional capacity to process how they feel. The same steps listed above are helpful for kids as well however some additional ones need to be considered.
Per the Child Mind Institute, it’s important to follow their lead, Let them ask questions, These will let you know what kind of information or how much to give them. We don’t want to overwhelm them during a difficult time. Encourage them to express how they feel. Let them know you are there to connect with them on this level. This will help them navigate to feelings of loss which can lead to confusion. They want to know they are not alone in their grief. Keeping your sense of normalcy in your routine as much as possible granted that is a challenge now with the quarantine and stay at home requirements, however, this provides a sense of security for kids. Let kids create a memorial to a person who passed away. Remembering is a part of healing and can be as simple as a conversation sharing memories or a letter to their loved one, or even listening to music that they loved. See their full article and suggestions here
Psychology Today has additional advice that is valuable to the healing process. Communicate clearly and some of the family has passed, give an honest exclamation as possible regarding the loss. The avoid euphemisms like the loved one is ‘asleep’ or have ‘gone away’ so if the child understands that the person is gone. I don’t know what to expect as much as you are able. Depending on the age of the child they may not remember they were doing well and wish to have a photo or picture of the person who passed this is perfectly normal. You can read the full article here.
Additional Resources
Guided Meditation for Dealing with a loss
Find More Support
Here is advice from a Very Well Mind website. ‘If you are struggling to deal with feelings of grief, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. Many therapists are now offering online therapy options in order to follow the CDC’s physical distancing recommendations. If you have already been seeing a therapist, talk to them about switching to online therapy in light of the coronavirus pandemic.’
It is particularly important to reach out to a professional if you are having trouble coping. You may be experiencing what is known as complicated grief. This condition occurs in about 7% of people who are grieving and is marked by an inability to think of anything but the loss, excessive avoidance of any reminders, or even thoughts of suicide or self-harm. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
For even more help dealing with the challenges of this pandemic and quarantine check out these other articles.
