Been there, and done that. Most of my life. What changed things for me was this book, and its relatives. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3595720-a-thousand-waves

Not to say I’m not still depressed/depressive, but I can function well, drug-free, and feel the full range of human emotions without having to fear what they will do to me.

It’s just a little book, but full of gold that seems simple until you try to live it. Worth a try if nothing else is working for you.

Good luck . . . .