Customers

Customer: *calls in* Hi, I’d like to order a pizza.
Me: OK, which one would you like to order?
C: I don’t know, which ones do you have?
I named 3 of the most popular, I have 3 customers waiting…she made me read them all out from 1–9…ingredients included. 
The only reason I didn’t refer you to our Just Eat page is because you sound like you’re older than time itself, please never call again.


*It’s the middle of Ramadan, I haven’t eaten for 15 hours at this point*

C: Salam brother, can I have a chicken pizza please, with a large drink.
I GAVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, HE’S ORDERING FOR LATER. BUT NO. THIS SALAM SAYING ASSHOLE WAS ORDERING FOOD FOR NOW!! I WATCHED HIM WITH HALF A SLICE IN HAND ASK FOR DRESSING WITH HIS PIZZA.


Same customer, different day: Bro, can you make me a chicken pizza, and make sure its well cooked. Oh and has extra chicken.

No, no, just no, fuck you, you can’t ask for extra stuff if you aren’t gonna pay. Point 2, you can’t call me bro, you’re 37, I’m 20, fuck off. Point 3, the pizza is always cooked, what you’re asking for is burnt cheese and crust and base, which I refuse to serve because you won’t like it and then I lose money.


Children of the devil order 2 pizzas.

Leave me with a mess of coke, dressing and pizza mixed on the table as well as a faint odor of piss.


Baldy and fatty: *always drunk or tipsy when ordering* AND REMEMBER, we get 20% discount because we’re sat next door.

By the looks of it, neither of you should be eating from here unless you want a heart attack and liver failure at the same time (there’s a pub next door)


Grown ass man looking at sign with prices on: how much is a kebab?
The price of kebab is quite literally where he is looking.


Boy with slight beard: Can I have a pack of Marlboro Gold?
Me: Sure, do you have ID?
*he hands it over*
Me: You’re not even 18, why hand me this?
He then proceeds to attempt a typical Pakistani ‘come on yaar, it doesn’t matter’ it does, we could be fined and closed down, he left empty handed and has never returned.


12 year old girl hanging out with friends walks in: Hi, can I get something for free, I paid too much one time?
Bish I have served you EVERY GOD DAMN TIME, why would you try lie to me?


Me: That’ll be 20kr
Customer: literally walks off without paying 
So I now charge him 5kr extra until he pays it off.


*Two middle aged customers looking at menu* 
C1: How about number 13, the Halal Pizza?
C2: Urgh no, I don’t want any fucking Muslim stuff. 
Me: *looks at her in Muslim* well excuse me, how am I supposed to make your food then?


Customer: *mumbles the last part of his order*
Me: *charges him for chewing tobacco instead of a drink*
Don’t fucking mumble


Customer: *doesn’t drop 1kr into the tip jar*
Me: I hope you choke


The takeaway closes at 9 on weekdays
Customer at 20:55: Can I have 3 cheese burger meals?
My bus at 21:05: leaves without me
The train I catch after: leaves without me
The train or bus I catch after that: both leave without me
Me: ENJOY YOUR MEAL :) :) :) :)


Customer: *card doesn’t work for some reason or another, he has money in it tho* Well I guess my food is free then. 
Me: *smiling while internally screaming ‘KILL YOURSELF’* hahahaha, sadly not.