Possibly the greatest FuckBoy of all, Henry VIII managed to get rid of wives he didn’t need by creating laws, literally.

The FuckBoy Chronicles

Stylised as Fuckboii but commonly written as fuckboy or fuck boy as well, a fuckboy is defined as:

A boy who tricks you into thinking he’s a sweetheart so you hookup with him. Then turns on you viciously and becomes a grade A asshole.

According to Urbandictionary. This should not be confused with the definition of Fuck Boy which just means you are weak. And with this…let us begin our tale.

Our FuckBoy’s tale begins in the 8th grade. He remains a shy and slightly unpopular person, with a small clique of friends and possibly the worst hair a kid could have. Having been born into a Asian Muslim household didn’t leave him with much choice in social skills with girls, but thankfully, due to a lucky happenstance in which he ended up at the whitest possible school ever…our FuckBoy soon learned how to speak normally and finally muster up some confidence.

What did the new confidence lead to? That confidence led to possibly the beginning of the FuckBoy journey. One that may not have been avoidable but at the same time, who knows, FuckBoys do as FuckBoys will. So how did the journey begin? Well let’s introduce Miss I. Miss I is the first girl our FuckBoy ever got FuckBoy-like with. There were small steps taken, a simple request to grab her ass and kiss her the odd time. But nothing came of it, and up until now it could be assumed that FuckBoyery had been avoided.

Which is why the 9th grade is such a horrible time to recall. Our young FuckBoy is slowly maturing, and with the help of one field trip, and a three hour journey with 15 girls at the back of the bus, the FuckBoy learns that there are several ways to manipulate women. The worst? Playing with their emotions. Making them believe you care when really you’re looking out for yourself. This is the beginning of the FuckBoy journey.

With newfound confidence the FuckBoy heads out on a journey…a slightly idiotic one. Under the assumption that surrounding yourself with girls will eventually deem you lucky. Hoarding female friends like someone with a disease our FuckBoy begins to get closer and closer to all the girls and he feels good but there’s something wrong…his female friends never go behind hugging him, and that is where the plan fails. While everyone else simply assumed that our FuckBoy was being a nice guy, he was secretly hoping for something more. A sad thing indeed.

When 10th grade hits, the popularity and confidence issues are all but gone. But what remains, the girls prepared to be with him. The FuckBoy then realises there’s an easier way to get girls to do what you want. Befriend the loners, the losers, the ones that have no social capital. Befriending these people requires some effort, but once he was in, he was in. There was nothing stopping our FuckBoy, except his view had changed. While still looking for something easy and accessible our FuckBoy was no longer toying with emotions, he became part of the sexting generation. A much simpler version of the FuckBoy. A version where emojis and winks and nudes did the talking. And that phase is all it really takes to bring a FuckBoy to reality. The FuckBoy lifestyle isn’t an easy one, nor is it something easy to uphold. And being a FuckBoy sucks.

By 11th grade it is assumed that the FuckBoy phase is over. Stability has set in. The chase is done. And boredom has set in. But throw in some instability and a move and his FuckBoy phase returns. The return is easily the worst phase a FuckBoy will go through, because it is at this point a FuckBoy becomes self aware. The FuckBoy now chooses whether to stay a FuckBoy or to move on. By 12th grade the FuckBoy persona is no longer hidden, it is part of his personality and he openly admits to elements of it. To certain people anyway. And having gotten what he wants, he will turn cold and leave people behind. The FuckBoy has reached peak FuckBoyNess.

From this point, a downhill spiral in social capital and a rise in maturity the FuckBoy becomes just the Boy. His attitudes shall change, hopefully, but it’s still a haunting reminder to him everyday. The FuckBoy phase was his worst moment. And a FuckBoy never stops being a FuckBoy, he simply becomes less of one. It’s no longer about asking for nudes, it’s about earning them through manipulation. It’s no longer about sexting, it’s about cheap, meaningless convo to lead up to a simple question of whether you’re gonna fuck or nah. The FuckBoy advances himself and refines his strategy and no matter how nice he comes off, he’s still probably a FuckBoy. And never forget that.

This story is literally the most exaggerated garbage ever written but please do share it with the world to show little idiotic children how easy it is to spot a FuckBoy.