Rape: it happens so close to home

Sometimes, something so bad happens so close to you, you become aware of the bubble you live in. It happens so close that you feel it burst.

Last Saturday night, a friend was raped. I picked her up from where she woke up, we went to the hospital and later the police. But this is not my story to tell, it’s hers. Yet, I still feel the need to tell the whole world this happened. It happened in a first world country (Germany), to a very nice decent person. And the details are horrifying. I want to talk about it, because we keep forgetting that rape happens. It happens more than we would like to know. It happens to so many of us. It happens right outside our doors, and it happens behind our own doors too. And either way, more often than not it’s kept a secret.

While I waited that day, I tried to google for rape statistics in our city. I couldn’t find it, but instead I found an article that showed statistics on rape numbers being higher now than in 1995 (here, in Germany). You’d think we were making progress. We’re still ashamed and sometimes in denial that such things still happen. How can we be aware when we don’t talk about it? Why aren’t talking about it? Why do we allow ourselves the ignorance? Is it because it bothers us to burst our bubbles? Why are we afraid? We need to consciously know rape doesn’t only exist somewhere else in the world and push it to the back of our thoughts.

Why are we so quick to jump into victim blaming? Why is it easier to blame our sisters, mothers and daughters? Is it because we’re scared of the mere thought that our brothers, fathers, sons and friends could ever be capable of such heinous acts? Is it that it’s just easier to teach our daughters submission than to teach our sons to respect boundaries?

It’s ridiculous! Is it easier to just blame it all on the vagina? You know, vagina, that evil mystical atrocious thing. “She drove me to it”, cause yeah, vaginas have this weird magical power of submitting others to their entire will, even when their own host doesn’t agree with it.

We need to be aware. We need awareness, so we can educate the next generations to break the spell. And so that we have one less reason to need our bubbles.