Trump vs Clinton: it’s everything I imagined it would be, and more.

During the primary this Spring and Summer, I imagined what a debate would be like between Trump and Clinton. I pictured total obnoxiousness from Trump, the bottom feeder, as he ravenously fed on Clinton’s garbage — truths, half-truths and delusional falsehoods alike. It really didn’t matter to the bumbling narcissist. In this imaginary debate, he only needed like 1 or 2 truthful things for every 25 half-true or outright lies he spewed. This was especially effective because I posited that a large part of the electorate would be angry as hell about those 2 truths. I imagined that all the incoherent dust Trump kicked up by throwing her baggage around choked the whole thing. No substance. No meaning. Just populist rage channeled through a reality TV star that, ironically, our fat, dumb and I-think-I’m-happy culture created. I also imagined the networks sensationalizing it as a “showdown” or “fight night.” That was gross.

That all came true last night.

It was even more of a nightmare than I had previously imagined.

So much dust kicked up over groping — her groping of special interests and his groping of our Nation’s dignity. The cloud got so thick, the stage became void of meaningful content. Leaders are supposed to shine a light on causes and solutions, not wrestle in the mud pit of polarizing symptoms. The giant cloud of their privileged farts disallowed meaningful debate of the environment, the failed war on drugs, veterans (more than 45k words spoken between 2 candidates in 3 debates — “veterans” used 3–4 times), militarization of police forces, criminal justice and incarceration, to name a few. They threw each other’s baggage around so much they barely even addressed the symptoms. Well, Hillary tried to intelligently discuss actual policy. But again, she showed up with more baggage than one should bring for a trip to Populism Island. But hey — the DNC and around 3-million primary votes decided she should go anyway. And since the natives are restless and the Drumpf beast knows how to exploit that, there was one point of causation discussed quite a bit — Money in politics. The problem is, it’s one of Clinton’s largest, heaviest pieces of baggage. And it kicks up a lot of dust when the Drumpf beast throws it around. And he’s not even nearly as good as Bernie was at taking her to task on it. Mostly because he’s just not very bright. But see, that important issue couldn’t even be discussed, because those sane enough to NOT vote for him are expected to pretend it’s not an issue. Guilted and shamed by some who’ve never knocked on a door or made a phone call for any candidate, ever.

Yes. A shit show goat rodeo extravaganza.

This is in stark contrast to how I imagined a Trump vs Sanders debate. The bottom feeder starved from malnutrition. And Bernie showed up with just a small piece of carry-on baggage. It only took about 3-minutes of the debate for Trump to rifle through it. What’s ironic is that in that imaginary debate, Trump was unable to attack Sanders on these pitchfork populist matters of trade and money in politics. Because, they essentially agree in principle. Instead, in this imaginary debate, my kids heard big, positive ideas from a dignified man, cutting through the bluster of the guy with a big mouth that somehow resembles a small, puckered anus. That’s right, my kids were there, watching and learning. And I was proud.

Sure. Trump is the major X-factor in why this thing has become a disgrace to our dignity and intelligence as a Country. But we knew he was going to be the nominee. Forget that all the primary polls showed Sanders crushing Trump with authoritative margins. Forget that there’s unequivocal proof the DNC, some media corps, and Clinton’s campaign colluded to bury Sanders. Forget that Clinton is selfishly scapegoating and provoking Russia to divert attention away from an unprecedented trove of leaked documents. Forget that Trumps Wife has told us he’s just a “boy” who can be “egged on” by other boys. Forget that Trump was created by 2 absolutely tone deaf parties who’ve lost their way as one party of plutocrats. Forget that your Clinton yard sign was partially paid for with Saudi money. Forget that Trump doesn’t really care what happens because he’s just going to exploit you by launching a new TV news network that’ll make FOX news look like Mr. Rogers. Forget that he’s a racist, bigoted, sexist pig. Forget that she’s become fantastically wealthy by selling access to your government. Forget that both of them will perpetuate that horrifying river of blood money in the middle east. Forget that, despite all these revelations — so many Americans were in their comfy, Costco-culture slumber until just a few weeks ago.

Forget all of the madness — until November 8th.

With the faint taste of vomit in the back of my throat I ask anyone who cares — please just vote for Clinton. But don’t forget any of this madness after you walk out of that booth. And maybe, just maybe, imagine what our Democracy should be and get involved this time. Deal?