Refer to Yourself in the Third Person, But Not How You think
Intrinsic Motivation Through Humor and Third Person Reference
Motivators, incentives, inspiration, drive, grit, habits. It’s the stuff of getting stuff done. As a teacher and coach, I am fascinated with what helps people learn how to get stuff done, pick up difficult skills, or create positive sustainable change in their life. I seek knowledge about it for myself along with my students and clients. What works is often as individualistic as the people I teach.
What works is often as individualistic as the people I teach.
My Journey To Behavior Change
When I was young, extrinsic motivators were fuel. I didn’t know it at the time, but my parents, specially my dad, engineered this. When it came time for report cards, for better or worse, I had to answer. My mom would get worried if I wasn’t doing homework enough, or putting in hours studying, but my dad always calmly replied, “The proof is in the pudding. We will see come report card time.” His calm demeanor and serious tone was enough to motivate, even if it was sometimes a mad dash to end of the semester. My dad loved me in the best way he knew how, and he believed in consequences to actions. If the action was lack of academic priority, there were consequences. It’s a lesson I am still thankful for today. So it went for years. Sometimes I would triumphantly bring home a report card for reward, other times I would get reminded of consequences.
Later however, without self-awareness, a shift to intrinsic motivators occurred. So in college I gradually got lost. Post college I got more lost. My early professional life were motions at best chasing things society is good at conditioning us to chase, material. When I became a teacher, it was first guided by misplaced ideals to save the world. Only a conclusion an idealistic 20 something can arrive at. Still, as I grew in the field, I realized my place was smaller, but the impact on an individual level could be life changing, if only in the form of a small trajectory shift for students. Through Trajectory Shift teaching I eventually came upon behavior change tools, theory, and practices. I read, watched, tried things out, made mental notes on the things that had consistent impact for my students and myself. One of the first consistent techniques I noticed adoption on was a strange twist on third person reference and framing note taking skills.
Trying It Out: The Hard and Memorable Way to Discover
The first casualty of a battle is your plan. Teacher experience yields a similar truth. The first casualty of a lesson is your lesson plan. Often I have to initially sell a student on putting their limited time, attention and resources into something like note strategies. Often I get the same reaction, if in different packaging. Why do I have to do this? This is great and all, but is class almost over? What is my homework? I don’t have to take notes, I can remember most of what I read and hear. I have a note system (despite all evidence to the contrary).
I don’t blame any of my students for these reactions. I had it too when I was their age. Scarcity of time, energy, and attention is every bit as real for students as it is for us adults. I also had teachers who also attempted to give me vital tools before I had to learn them hastily under pressure in college or in a difficult new job. I too missed the lesson. It took serious reflection to realize my instinctual teacher “explain the value and technique” approach wasn’t going to work.
So I began framing the act of great note taking in a different humorous way. Whenever I conclude showing some kind of note system, usually in the moment it is needed most, I tell the student this is a favor to their future selves. I then tell a funny story about how “past me” really screwed “present me” over. Also I will tell a story about a time when I profusely thanked “past me” for setting up “present me” for a painless experience. My students usually crack a smile, and thats when I know something got through.
Students, of any age, have to know you care and that you aren’t just another person trying to tell them to do something. They have a lot of that in their life already. So when you can phrase something in a humorous and real way, you’re on to something. Show you care and fit nuggets of wisdom in humorous packages, and I promise you will see increases in retention.
I now always phrase note taking in this way, and demonstrate it with my language. When I have slides I am particularly proud of, I jokingly thank “past me.” When my students show vastly improved notes, I tell them “past them” really took care of “present them” for our class. I try not to beat the joke dead, but I keep it consistent enough that it sinks in. They aren’t learning new skills for the sake of a teacher, parent, or peer. They are doing it for themselves. Any way you can help a student do that, for any skill, you are helping them to shift to that intrinsic motivation driver. That is the humble start to sustainable life change and growth.
This technique works for self-talk too. It may feel weird to refer to yourself in the third person but it helps you view healthy habit efforts in a new light. Some research suggests third person reference can create healthy objectivity and compassion for your self awareness, two critical components to behavior change.
So go ahead, give it a try. Curse “past you” when you can’t find those keys or your phone is dead. More importantly, don’t forget to thank “past you” when that person is crushing it. Hand this language and perspective on to someone you are teaching or coaching. Help them to incorporate sustainable life change. You’ll be giving a memorable lesson and a positive emotional experience, which is too rare in this world.
