Dad vs. Cancer: Pre-op (1)

I am a new Dad. I have stage 4 bowel cancer. This is my story.

So this coming weekend I go into hospital for the first stage of my liver surgery. I went to see the anaesthetist to the surprising information of “Well, this is will certainly be a lot more painful than your last surgery”. Hmmm, well that is some unwelcome news, but it is what it is. As a result no morphine for me, and an epidural instead.

As I have explained before the idea of this surgery is to remove one tumour from the smaller left lobe ready for the next surgery which will remove the entire right lobe, and some of the left. One thing I did learn is that one other part of the process will not be part of surgery as I originally thought. This is closing off the blood supply to the right lobe (in order to make the left lobe grow bigger). This will instead be done whilst I am awake just with a local aesthetic. It apparently involves finding a vein in my groin, and inserting a tube into that that will lead to my liver, and then they chemically close off the blood supply. Lovely.

I’ll be honest. It’s all a bit scary. The last time I had surgery, it was emergency surgery, and so I didn’t really have much time to think about it. This time I have a nice long build up to worry about it. Plus it was a life or death sort of thing. This one is part of a much longer process, the first stage of two-stage surgery. The second operation will be much bigger. But this one is still a bit scary. They are hoping they will be able to do this stage with keyhole surgery, but due to previous operation there is a high risk it will turn into open surgery. This would effect the recovery time. I initially thought that I would be in hospital for a couple of days for this operation, but have since been told it is more likely to be 7 days. So let’s hope it all goes to plan, and sets me up on the right path for the second stage.

One of the hardest things about this will be handling my daughter post op. We have bonded quite a lot over the last couple of weeks. I have been off my chemo, and so for the most part feeling quite good. As a result I have been able to hold her more, and let her crawl all over me. She now says “Dada” a lot, and I’d like to think she means me when she says it. Of course in the weeks to come I won’t be able to hold her at all as I recover. Once again putting the entire burden on my wife.

Will all the support that is on offer, they can’t prepare you for how you will really feel and react to the situation. Everyone is different. Everyone has different specifics to their circumstance. Our special little feature is figuring out how to be parents at the same time as dealing with this. A large task in itself. To say that it has been hard is like saying the sea is a bit wet. It feels ‘hard’ doesn’t really encapsulate what we have been through and continue to go through as a family. It is 24/7 with no rest bite. We cling to hope that this series of surgeries will get us out the other side, but the reality of the situation is that it is far more likely this will not go away, and we will be left will long term management of the condition.

Still. It is difficult to predict, and difficult to look at this with full perspective. Too many variables, and things change too quickly. So all we can focus on is the next bit. Up next: phase 1 surgery. So let’s get that done and out of the way and we will move on to the next concern.

Wish me luck.