An Honest Insecurity Rant of a Recent Graduate Practicing Design

The Trigger

Earlier today (actually last night. I wrote this blog draft on my journal and turns out I would type the whole thing today), whilst my internet surfing, I stumbled upon an online portfolio of a talented graphic designer. I actually was expecting this particular designer to finish their website after seeing that they had made changes since their initial website launch. I was already expecting to see great works. After all, they already attained the necessary experience to reach the level where they are in.

Unfortunately, the one thing that I thought made me different from them (web design and app design), turns out they can do too. For some reason, this made me really insecure and discouraged. The boost of self-esteem after being asked for a job interview quickly diminished.

To counteract my feeling of uselessness, I picked up the book The Happiness Project. Going through the book distracted me from the negative energy I felt when I was browsing through this designer’s work whose works were obviously better than mine. Not only that, I gained useful insight from the author pertaining to love, family and work.

The Self-Reflection

Now that I’m writing this down, I question myself: “Why did I feel that way towards this designer specifically when other designers do the same thing anyway?”. There are dozens of other designers who do the same work as I do and even more but it didn’t have the same impact as me knowing this designer does too.

It’s really an unhealthy habit of mine to stalk every design work they do and how awesome their social life is but I do it anyway and inflict pain to myself over and over.

When will it go over my head that all people are different and that each and everyone has characteristics that make them who they are? It kills me that I always end up comparing myself with this person when I am fully aware that they are way ahead in the industry and they are far more experienced. I seriously have to stop.

But how? Should I just continue distracting myself? How should I face this head on? I don’t like that I want to be the best at everything. I don’t like thinking that I should be better than everyone else. That is just being arrogant ☹ but at the same time, I wish that I was. That’s bad ☹ and that is the most selfish thing a person can think ☹

People always tell me to just compare my old self to my new self so that the energy of comparing would go to you rather than to anyone else. At least, you’re looking to improve on yourself.

Besides there’s only one you and you’re the best at being that. Why try to be someone else when you have all the capacity, all the freedom, all the power to be the unique you.

Overcome this by believing in yourself first. If you believe you can do it, people will follow along.