I used to be trapped by the seemingly insatiable assumption that I was a shy, quiet, introverted individual.
Yes. I grew up shy — particularly because of my pocketed self-esteem. Somewhere in my unconscious understanding, an authoritative voice molded me to be:
Timid. Quiet. Well-behaved. Teacher’s pet.
Perhaps I was a reflection of my introverted father who spent hours reading quietly underneath the stairs (hey, Harry Potter is that you?)
Externally I felt that people viewed me as the quiet chick.
Internally I was the complete opposite.
I felt energized by being around a huge crowd, specifically my friends. When the vibes were right, I loved the limelight — the center of attention.
The idea of being embedded in a social event both thrilled and terrified me — in a good way at least.
And then — when I discovered the dichotomy of introversion and extroversion — I quickly latched onto the former hat because quite simply … that was where I felt comfortable.
For so many goddang years, I wasn’t my true self. I unconsciously hypnotized my brain to think I was the quiet cat laid up on the wall at a banging ass party.
But after some intense years of self-reflection and analyzing my interactions while traveling solo in Asia, I realized that I am truly fulfilled with being the person I know to be true. There are days when I am truly energized by social events and there are days when I need to be in solitude so I can write, create and reflect. There are times when it doesn’t take much for me to start a conversation with strangers and other times when I need to take a solid nap to rewire my energy.
Wherever you fall on the scale, it doesn’t quite matter until you do some deep research on yourself.
Self-awareness is the process — fulfillment and happiness is the result.