The Biggest Issue I Had As a Swinger

Taking one for the team was a horrible option.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by pawel szvmanski — Unsplash

His wife was hot. She was funny, smart and boisterous. She was the life of the party. I wanted more. There was only one problem. She came with him.

Him? Arrogant. More confident than he deserved to be. He told jokes that were either off color or off the mark. He knew everything. If you knew something, he knew more. I found him to be a terrible bore. Add the fact that he was 15 years older than me and he was a hard pass. But that wife…

My husband and I got into the swinger “lifestyle” before we were even married. It started as some flirty talk about boundaries we wanted to push. Namely, I really wanted to be with a woman.

He absolutely loved the idea and he was the one that created our first profile on a website designed for swingers to meet each other. We had no idea what we were doing.

Finding dates with couples or a party to go to were the only things he actually took initiative with during the entire time we were together.

He made no efforts to help maintain the household but, boy, when it came to trying to find other people to have sex with, he got right on that.

We would end our evenings together, frequently going through profiles of couples that we found attractive. We’d search for the elusive unicorn — a single woman who came unattached and ready to meet couples. Even if we did come across a single woman, her dance card was pretty full.

We realized that our experiences were going to involve two other people. It seemed about the only way for me to explore my sexuality. At first I was optimistic. Hell, if adding one person to our bedroom would be fun, imagine adding two!

We started making the rounds of parties and events. We got hit on plenty. It’s only natural at a party full of people whose ultimate goal is to fuck other people. There were a lot of misses, though. A lot.

Chemistry is difficult enough between two people. Finding it with a third person gets harder and finding sexual chemistry equally amongst four people is damn hard to find.

At events, I would be approached by a man who is interested in “getting to know me.” That meant fucking. I usually made idle chitchat while looking over his shoulder for some woman who might be attached to him to see if I would be interested in continuing this conversation. I wasn’t there for him. I was there for his wife.

If we met another couple, what usually ended up happening was that someone was going to have to take one for the team. It was never my husband. Worst case scenario for my husband was he watched his wife give a completely obligatory and uninspired blow job to some guy.

My worst case scenario was a beautiful, smart, funny woman that was attached to an absolute dud of a man. There were expectations. There were going to be services that needed to be rendered before I was going to be allowed access to the wife. It sounds absolutely horrible and it is very creepy indeed.

She was the event. He was the cost of admission.

This is one of the main reasons why we didn’t last very long in the lifestyle. I hated the pressure of feeling like I had to take one for the team in order to get what I wanted sexually.

The entire time my husband and I were swingers, we only really connected with one couple. It had taken a lot of time before we actually became physical. It was just the way the logistics worked out.

By the time that we actually got to the bedroom we had solid connections with each other where we actually cared about each other in a way that made me want to give someone pleasure. That’s when I truly enjoy myself.

When that couple’s marriage hit a rough spot, we lost the connection. We never found another.

I don’t like feeling obligated to have someone’s cock in my mouth. I don’t like paying for sex with someone else using my body. I don’t like feeling like I have to compromise my own standards.

But that wife…

Written by

What we talk about when we talk about love…and sex. dahliastonewriter@gmail.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store