If it’s not what you want, there’s no shame in that.

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I have found myself in a variety of precarious situations when to comes to love and relationships. This happens most often when there is discussion of involving other people.

Years ago, my marriage had come to an impasse. Something had to happen and I wasn’t exactly quite sure what it was. My emotional and physicals needs weren’t being taken care of. I knew I had urges to cheat on my husband. It was only a matter of time.

I wasn’t happy and I needed something to make me feel alive. …

And I’m not talking about a naughty picture on your phone, ladies.

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No matter how solid our attitude is, no matter how successful we are, many women will still stand in the mirror and pick themselves apart in ways that no one else ever would.

I was at a point where I had started doing this more and more. Motherhood had taken its toll on my body, leaving a lot of things in a completely different location than where I remembered them being.

Weight stayed on longer than I wanted it to. Years of unhappy marriage led to a standard uniform of yoga pants, ponytails, and old tank tops.

Something had to…

That wasn’t part of my plan for the evening.

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Photo by Sandy Millar via Unsplash

A few years after college, I ran into a classmate when I was out with some friends. He was telling me what happened to everyone we used to hang out with. It turned out a guy we knew, James, was working two doors down from me. I thought it was interesting we had never run into each other.

James was a friend of my college boyfriend. Having the same major, we had a few classes together and work together on a magazine at the university. I had never given him much thought but remember he was an interesting guy.


I told myself there was nothing wrong with it. But, there was.

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I was standing with some friends at the early part of the evening. We had gone to an art show he was heading up. He’s charismatic and attractive. Handsome and confident.

He was the kind of man that when he saw something he wanted, he went after it. And he was going to get it. I was his next target. He pursued me pretty heavily.

He had this way of looking at you like you were a piece of cake that he couldn’t wait to devour. It made you want to be devoured.

I was coming out of a relationship…

The silly idea that’s stirred shame storms for decades.

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I remember when my mom sat me down in the kitchen to have the sex talk. I can’t remember how old I was. I do remember that I was sitting on the floor with my back against the refrigerator, my arms wrapped around my knees.

I heard all about how babies were made. That was fine. In the end, my mom added two things that she thought were valuable.

  1. Sex is something that should be enjoyed. It’s not a bad thing.
  2. No one is going to buy the cow if you give away the milk for free.

Those are two…

I’m pretty sure it’s happened in the past. It’s hard to tell.

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There is one serious concern that I’ve had over the last few years of exploring my sexuality. I’m pretty sure, as a bisexual woman, that I’m not alone in this. I have a horrible fear that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing in bed.

I’ve had a few female sexual partners. No amount that would warrant a trophy, by any means, but enough to know I enjoy women and they’re not just a passing fancy for me.

I thought it would be easy and natural to go down on a woman. After all, we have the same anatomy…

No one benefits from a false sense of sexual grandeur.

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Photo by Pixabay

Twice in the last year of so, I have had men brag about their skills in bed. Interestingly, they both used a very similar phase. “I have a special set of skills.”

Spoiler alert: Their set of skills were not, in fact, special.

I was not blown away by their sexual prowess but, more than that, I was concerned that they really had been led to believe that what they could do with their tongues or fingers was somehow way better than anything anyone else could do. Ever. Who did this to them?

I understand that what works on one…

That one time I took a fella a bit by surprise.

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Photo by Hilary Halliwell — Pexels

Generally, pre-date and pre-sex conversations tend to flow more along the lines of music, work, family, and recent vacations. I ask and get asked some basic questions so that both my potential date and I know we’re not heading out on the town with a lunatic.

One question that doesn’t come up in conversation is, “Hey, do you happen to explode during orgasm in such a manner that a significant amount of bodily fluid comes out of you at a high velocity?” Because, often, that is exactly what happens when I orgasm.

I’m not sure exactly if and when this…

But the first time they see my breasts, it won’t be on their phone.

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Photo by Hanna Postova — Unsplash

I have a hard-fast rule in dating that I quite enjoy. This rule holds that no matter how much a man requests it, he’s never going to get a picture of what I’ve got going on under these clothes unless he’s seen the goods in person first.

There are a couple of reasons for this in which I firmly believe. None of them have anything to do with me being a prude or ashamed of my body. It’s actually quite the contrary.

I’ve always adhered to the idea that what you don’t see is always sexier than what you do…

Taking one for the team was a horrible option.

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Photo by pawel szvmanski — Unsplash

His wife was hot. She was funny, smart and boisterous. She was the life of the party. I wanted more. There was only one problem. She came with him.

Him? Arrogant. More confident than he deserved to be. He told jokes that were either off color or off the mark. He knew everything. If you knew something, he knew more. I found him to be a terrible bore. Add the fact that he was 15 years older than me and he was a hard pass. But that wife…

My husband and I got into the swinger “lifestyle” before we were…

Dahlia Stone

What we talk about when we talk about love…and sex. dahliastonewriter@gmail.com

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