Generation Gratification
I have to admit, I’ve been secretly wanting to write on this particular subject for ages. Being part of a generation that grew up with the advent of IM, social media and cellphones, I feel like I’m experienced enough now to comment on this. This article is just my opinion and gauranteed im sure I’ll piss some people off. Hell, I’m definitely guilty of some of the topics I’ll touch on, but I dont take it as far as some.
This generation…(all of you born post 1985 at least) is all about gratification. To be more specific, this generation is about instant gratification. Think of all the tools we have at our disposal: Facebook, Twitter, Tinder, Whatsapp (the list goes on) — its all about receiving instant-gratification from whatever we choose to share. Terms and phrases that never existed even 20 years ago now plague the young generation in a number of psychological and emotional ways. Self-confidence — or at least fake self-confidence has risen to knew heights. Now, a once un-confident person who has 6000+ Twitter followers feels confident. Girls who post photo-edited Instagram pics of their face or every time they get dressed to go out on the town feel better if they get 27 likes and their girlfriends comment:
“You look so beautiful!! Luv you xxx”
now have a reason to think they must truly be really beautiful regardless if they are or arent. But, on the turn-side it really is a crock of shit. The reverse can have the opposite effect. No likes = no confidence. Less followers equals less confidence.
We (humanity) have really moulded a sad little world for ourselves where human beings are more likely to respect the number of likes on Objective C programmed applications distributed by one of the most wealthiest and profitable companies of all time (Apple) than to have just one of their personal friends tell them to their face that they look nice.
Argue the point as much as you like, a simple “like” or “follow” has no tone. You can’t tell if the person is being fake, genuine, caring or sensitive. Be honest with your self, how much honesty can you get from a person who can move their finger 45 degrees to hit a button while they’re 100's if not 1000's of miles away.
Before I lose everyone in a ton of ranting, Im going to split this article up into 2 sections which constitute the most damaging platforms we have today: Facebook and Whatsapp.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Facebook can cause depression, I think it can just make it a lot worse if you are inclined to go down that route. The most common time for Facebook usage is before you go to sleep and after you wake up. Im guilty of it myself. Over the years, plenty of friends have moved overseas to work on yachts or follow careers — some of them dont plan on coming back, so its nice to have a digital tie to thier lives. Even if its just a message now and then. I wake up in the morning and scroll down my news-feed. Ibiza, Carribean, Portugal, Corsica, Australia — this concert in L.A, these drinks in London, how amazing right? Within 10 seconds I’m left with an empty whole I cannot fill. Whats wrong with me that I’m not posting conent like this on Facebook? Why haven’t I linked my Instagram to Facebook to show everyone the sunset in Athens?
Well the answer is quite simple. Im focused on my career and I’m staying put and building foundations for my future. If you could remember far enough back to when there were such things as photo albums, your friends would arrive back, tell you about there amazing trip that would or wouldn’t last for hours, show you the 50 photos they took as film was expensive and costly to develop and then carry on with their lives until the next one. The world was quieter, simpler and the chance of getting that stunning photo to post was a lot less likely.
Now, every morning Im awakened to the fact and happenings of every single day of peoples / friends adventures, lunches, breakfasts, dinners, hangovers, feet in water, whatever makes good sense. People go wild, post positive comments, like the post 400 times and share it to their families, followers and people that they re friends with on Facebook that they have never met before.
The point Im making here, is not that Facebook is a bad, nor that my friends shouldn’t post pictures of their adventures, and if you’re one of those people that are going to retaliate and tell me to either get off Facebook or stop being negative, i’m going to kindly ask you to fuck off now because you really aren’t getting the point and chances are this article is above your level of intelligence. Its not about what they are doing and if they have a right or not to do so, its simply about the effect it has not only on their lives (instant gratification) but on how I percieve my own life.
Think about the last time you posted something on Facebook that you felt strongly about which no one liked. How did you feel? Pissed off? Angry? Not gratified? Now think to a day when you did post something people liked and shared and agreed with. You felt good, powerful, strong and like people actually gave a shit about what you were saying. You can deny it all you like. When people gratify you for your opinion, you feel good. You feel confident, you feel part of something and thus you will go post more to receive more gratification which captures you in an enternal loop of emotion.
Ah, dear Whatsapp. A piece of technology that strives along with Facebook for being the relationship ruiner. Yes, that may sound like a generalisation, and im sure there are plenty of couples that dont let it get to them. Agree with it or not, instant messaging is deadly.
When was the last time you saw a pretty girl or handsome guy in a coffee shop and plucked up the courage to speak to him or her? Hmm? Its nerve-racking, anxiety-provoking and regardless of your 400 liked latest selfie pic, your confidence is in the gutter. Shit, you dont even know if that person is single or not? Now, how easy it to swipe right on Tinder at a pretty girl, get an injection of confidence when you both match and instantly start a conversation without any fear of rejection until the point where both of you, knowing that you can chat nicely and that you’re attracted based on photographs and small-talk need to meet for real. The same anxiety awakens. Guys will most likely flake, though some will pluck up the courage and go through with it, maybe you find the love of your life, maybe you end up dissapointed. Thats all up to fate I guess.
I admit I’ve met people on social media, that I either never knew, or knew of and had never met, started talking on Whatsapp and met eventually, sometimes it transpired into a relationship, sometimes it didn’t. My biggest problem came in when people would ask, “Well, how did you guys meet?” Umm…insert some weird half-truth now. Saying you met on Tinder or started Whatsapping each other isn’t the best of meet-up stories is it? If the relationship follows through to your wedding day, what are you going to say? “Thank you Tinder!!! You ridiculous fickle app”
Whatsapp also makes space for a problem that never conflicted relationships before its invention, the dreaded: delivered, sent, read and last seen timestamp.
What a complete fuck up of human emotion. Considering you’re one of the individuals who already struggle with self-confidence, Whatsapp is your worst fucking enemy. You know that girl you met on Tinder? The one you’re starting to like after chatting a little, she’s reading your messages!! Hooray!!! But shes not replying when shes reading them right away? Why? Doesnt she like you in return? Are you being irritating? Do you message too much? Is she dead? Run out of airtime? Phone savagely eaten by a dog? Or my favourite — Revelations from the Bible has occured and she’s the first one to be dragged down to hell. Thoughts that if we had all just stuck to a fucking landline we wouldnt have. Not to mention the complete onslaught of mis-communication that occurs on text. You have a disagreement and recieve the cold, blinding, panic-invoking “Okay.” Especially with the period at the end. Thats even worse. Il’ Conversation Ender. The Hitler of Whatsapp socialism. The antoganist of the reply that you will later apologize for out of deseperation. Again, its all about instant gratification. Instant decsion on plans, thoughts, companionship.
Of course, Whatsapp has one more katana to slice your head clean off your shoulders. Breakups. I recently had a friend who went through a breakup with a long term girlfriend. Whatsapp was clearly chosen as the platform to figure out what the hell happened in the relationship. Message after message, after message. It made him feel claustraphobic, anxious and forced into a corner. This person has his number…she can message him whenever she wants, however she wants, stinging message after insulting message, nothing he said calmed her down or made her stop even when he got to the point of begging and he finally resulted to the biggest “Fuck You” the 21st Century can offer some one:
Settings > Privacy > Blocked Contacts
Shit, nowadays you have to block the person, depending on their level of scorn and general psychological ability of course on everything digital platform around. They will look at how “good” your life is on Instagram post breakup, you know, the night you went out with all your boys because you were feeling low from the breakup. The day you make up your mind to start tweeting for professional reasons and trying to be positive about life. The uplifting quotes of forgivness and peace you post on Facebook, or how that best girl-friend of yours that she always hated because she was pretty, that you went for council with, posted on your wall — “Stay strong, Im here for you” — it all gets judged. All of it. And don’t kid yourself if you dont think it doesnt get judged. Sometimes it will be judged by an entire fucking jury.
I guess my point at the end of this is that as much as SM is good and useful, it has seriously damaging effects on our emotional stability. The world is more complicated now. Entering relationships are harder, jealously more convenient, envy and judgement are easier to come by and develop. You have more of a chance to meet more people that will harm you. Its up to us now to think what we’re posting, who we’re dating, and more importantly why we are looking for such constant gratification. It doesnt make you any better than the person liking your post. At the end of the day. Your beauty will fade, the people that love you will eventually leave you and as much as this world has to offer, your most important role on earth is looking after yourself and when you can giving unto others that are worse off than you. That may sound pessimistic, but it is a truth that people just dont like to face.
Not to bring religion into things, but in Christianity there are 7- Deadly Sins (im not telling you to follow them, but I feel they are pretty astute for a healthy life)…wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. They no longer apply to sheep, goats and land. Just think about how many you perform each day just on social media and your digital life. You’ll be horribly surprised trust me.
Give it some thought maybe you’ll delete me off Facebook or Twitter, at the end of the day, its so inconsequential that I promise you after a day or two, it will be the last concern in my life.
Got some opinions? Tweet me! @dainemawer
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