DEAR DAUGHTER WHEN YOU TURN 23

At this age everything that has happened is meant to mold you into the person you should be. Its either you let your past imprison you or better you, the mental battle of what was and will be, is the hardest you’ll ever face.

You will think you know everything and you’ll plan; you’ll plan on what to wear next week; you’ll plan on whom to marry. But since you are my daughter I will advise you against it. I would tell you that you need a different dress for next week and a different boyfriend too. I’m like your grandmother, I’m weird, I have deep sense of intuition and I predict things. I will tell you to go out to the world and travel as I did when I was your age. I would tell you to enroll for the master’s degree so nobody ever claims that you are not witty. So that you change your own world. Define your own path before you collide with someone else’s.

I would tell you of that bag you were begging me to buy two years ago is in the pit. You’d probably not care as much but two years ago you were hell bent that it will change your life. You understand things now. That beauty fades, material things fade and boys are everywhere, bonyeza ushinde. I would tell you that nothing really matters in this world, it’s all a facade. That people aren’t always what they seem. You’d nod in agreement because your close friend betrayed you. The one I warned you about. The one I never liked. Its history because your grandmother told me the same decades before.

You have gotten your heartbroken before and I wish I could throw my arms around you and tell you niggaz ain’t shit. But that would be wrong because I married a nigga. So ill whisper it. I would tell you not to worry; you will get another one in no time but don’t jump from one relationship to the next. Take your time so you don’t pick the same man twice. I would tell you of my mistakes but not all of them because we are not really friends; I’m still your mother.

I would tell you I started my business when I was 21 years and I failed a couple of times. And it was hard. I would tell you that I was on Tv because of the same business and I also delivered a talk because I ran it successfully. I would also tell you how I lost my first 200 dollars to an agent I’ve never met and how I went berserk when a family member took 5 months to pay me and had had my goods confiscated.

I would tell you how I wrote articles and was supposed to be paid 400$ but the client went missing and I lost my wits again. I would tell you how I got my website when I was 23 years and paid for my logo. I’ve only seen the dime up to date but that doesn’t matter.

I cut off a lot of things when I was your age, I cut off a four year relationship, I cut off my hair and I cut off Moi University. I took the L and made a lot of wins. I’m richer now than I was a few months back; I’ve also spent more than I should but no accountability because I worked for it. Please don’t take anyone’s money especially if you call him daddy.

By this time you’ve had real friends, you’ve also had the fake ones. You were probably fake too to some people because you wanted to hide parts of you and that’s okay. We all have our coping mechanisms. You will wander more into the world and you will meet new people. You will create new memories to replace the bad ones. Life isn’t so shabby after 23.

People talk a lot, they will always talk. Don’t listen to them. They are just going through life themselves and gossip is their coping mechanism. You have to find your mechanism, life will get rocky and you will want to jump off a cliff. You will want to curse me out when I tell you, you are wrong. But please talk to me, I will make you feel better because I love you like crazy and you are like my broke best friend. You never pay for shit. Free counsel.

I want you to know that in life we are alone. It’s terrible but it’s true. Your thoughts are your own and you have to take control over them. You can decide whether to be happy or not. The only person who knows them is God and He is pretty amazing once you start talking to Him. You’ll be hooked. I won’t force you to go to church. I’ll let you discover your own spiritual walk as I did mine. It’s not the same for everyone and there is no SI unit for religion. It is what it is. But best believe there is a God.

You will feel pain, you will disintegrate, you will take action and you might regret. Do not regret. If anything applaud yourself for being alive despite it all. Don’t ever let anyone tell your truth and if they do, listen and smirk. The smirk I give you when you tell me I was right. I am always right and you are welcome. Do everything you want to do, not everything that you have to do. Don’t press for anyone, you are a gem and you are special. It’s in the blood.

Don’t limit your mind baby girl. Grandma always said that she wants her kids to do better than she has. Your uncles and auntie have finished their masters and second degrees and are doing their PHD at the same time as your grandma. The standard is high and you should surpass. I will educate you and inform you about life. Its tradition for women in our family to become successful. We are ambitious and we are unapologetic. I pray no man ever claims to have got you because he is rich. Because I will have to do a Maribe, your father and I. You probably won’t understand that analogy but you get the point.

I don’t want you to ever put yourself down. That’s the JD for your haters and if you’ll be anything like me, you’ll have plenty. They will smile to your face and say hello despite you having screenshots of them yapping about you, say hello back regardless. It’s called Grace and class. They skipped it. Do not be weary of their words, they will get to you once in a while when you’ve had enough, come talk to me then I’ll tell you what I did. Be focused baby girl, whatever you let in your mind will manifest. Be positive.

You will have hard days; you will lack trying to be independent. May these days be a lesson in financial wisdom and may you come find your dad because he will give you everything if you don’t need a mouthful of advice from me. I would tell you that I also lacked in university; I paid my rent by writing articles. I would tell you of a caretaker called Stano that was a pain in my ass. I would tell you that my clothes were taken from the lines by boys in the neighborhood and they returned them when I cleared school to Bibi ya Stano.

I want you to know that nothing is supposed to interfere with your happiness. Not even me. You are born to be wild and free. Make mistakes and learn. Love and love freely. Love without expectation. If you are anything like me, don’t play these boys. Some of them are good people and want the best for you. Others…well… I can help you dust your jars of heart during the weekend. Sundays when the air is morbid and solaced.

Don’t go out of your way looking for a man or a boy. You are the missing rib baby girl and my kids don’t chase, we are chosen. It’s ingrained in our nature, it’s ape-like but we have no say in it. It’s just how it is. You will know your husband by his natural smell. Don’t raise his armpits or sniff his boxers. Do not forget that you are an individual and you have to define who this individual is. Please stick to your own script. Do not ape your friends, you come from a long lineage of alphas and that’s just what it is.

When you are feeling sad and lonely listen to 2pac, when you feeling low and broke, listen to Dj Khaled, when you are in your feelings, listen to Drake and whenever you want unsolicited advice, listen to me baby because I truly deeply love you.

Probably you’ll have artists from your time and I’ll tell you that they are singing devil music. Don’t listen to me, it’s a mother thing. You’ll also say it to your daughter.

Love,
Mom