I tried to break up with Afterpay but he’s got me addicted by design.
Why are breakups so hard?
I wrote about the problematic “award winning” Melbourne startup Afterpay here. Here’s a summary – He’s been around the scene since 2014 and is now worth 1.5 billion dollars according to Forbes. Pretty much makes money off “consumer lending” – lending tiny amounts of money mostly for young people to encourage them to buy things they can’t afford, getting them into debt. Oh plus he doesn’t play by the rules and isn’t regulated like the other folks (banks).
Just last week I realised we had some loose ends to tie up, I still hadn’t cancelled my account properly. We only ever had a brief affair this one time and it made me feel pretty guilty, so I figured it was about time that I got him out of my life for good (another relapse would be unlikely but best to finish things up properly).
Here’s how it went down.
- I logged on and on the portal started looking for a cancel account option. There wasn’t one anywhere. Damn he’s clever.
- So I searched it in the help section with “cancel Afterpay account” and here’s the results I got
3. Somehow he thought I wanted more of him and gave me results like “how do I sign up”. That arrogance. Then finally about 8 results down he suggests we take a break.
Except I know what I want and it’s not Afterpay. So instead I persist and search “account cancellation” this time and I get this
4. Great finally he’s listening. I click the mail button which leads me to another page with 8 interrogative questions including my address, DOB, a compulsory section where I need to explain why I’m leaving this relationship.
5. This breakup is longer than our brief affair I didn’t even realise we were in a relationship. Though I’m relieved it’s finally over. Until he sends me an email insisting we should go on a break instead because my wanting to leave is a “big deal” and he’s sorry I want to leave
6. By now I’m tired of this drama – I have work to do and don’t know why I need to give this tantalising, arrogant and clearly bad for me Afterpay a reason I want to leave especially when I’ve told him already that’s what I want