Your love was like aspartame
it was sweet on my tongue until I knew exactly what it was
I loved you cautiously
waiting for any movement
waiting for you to show me what I was already suspecting
and when you didn’t,
I dove in headfirst
headfirst with the toe still out
headfirst with my hands still on the rail.
I didn’t want to let you have all of it
and when I tasted your aftertaste
I realized that you were no sweet sugar
no sucrose or sugar cane
you were fake
and I when I tried to get out
I was just too deep to come back up for air without drowning.
And so I drowned in you
And I realized I had always been drowning
And you didn’t care
Even when I told you that my lungs were filled with your hurt.
And so I stopped fighting to breath,
And pulled myself out of the deep end.