I Am The Son

I am the first born made second.

Peering through the glass, I see

They dance with mine

They laugh with mine

They dine with mine

They live with mine

I am from a distant shore

visiting what once was mine

what I never had

what never, again, shall be mine

I am a stranger.

Therefore, I find solace in solitude.

The sound of silence, interrupted

only by the sound of my heartbeat.

Why cry?

Why shed a single tear?

This has been my life from

the dawn of its existence.

And to the very end, so shall it be.

Fear

Fear that life will pass me by

without that scepter of acceptance;

being first in thought;

first in love.

I am the son -

loved, but insecure;

standing in the shadows of others;

made to feel insecure.

I am the son-

not misguided, but lost;

drowning in a sea of change;

but fighting no matter the cost.

I am the son

in the stark, cold rain;

being beaten by torrents;

not oblivious to the pain

I am the son -

with tears in my eyes,

knowing that I’m loved,

but feeling despised.

I am the son -

infuriated inside;

left in the desert

for snakes to attack my mind.

I am the son

who sings, “Jesus loves me

this I know for the Bible

tells me so.”

But in that, sometimes, its hard to rest.

Why?

Because, a father’s love

I do not know.

When was the last time I

was first and not second?

Or the last time we talked

when I could be open

transparent

virtually naked?

Why am I afar off from your thoughts;

a stranger in your midst;

a name on your list?

I am the son

who grew up in solitude,

wishing…praying everyday

to be close to you.

Not because of what you give out.

But, because of what you pour out.

Love I need

to combat this fear.

A friend

A partner

Why?

Because….

I am the son

who has become a father.

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