I’ve gone full circle it seems.
My Plan A back in my late teenage/early college years was to go to journalism school, travel and write for film/TV. Remarkably, I actually followed through on a plan I set for myself. I graduated in journalism with honours, went out into the world and made my own chances. I was good at it but I believed everything that everyone said about me and my work, both good and bad (mostly the latter though).
Along the way, I abandoned my Plan A for Plans B through G. I let go of my dreams because it was easier for me to walk away than have them taken from me. My dreams were best left on a shelf I could come back to when I felt the need for self-pity or having a case of the late night “what could’ve been(s)”. If a dream dies without ever being fully attempted, does it count as a failure or are you allowed to keep it as something to hold on to for the future?
I’m now back at Plan A again in my life. Circumstance, fate, good/bad/weird luck, destiny, who knows why? My dreamy adolescence perspective has now hardened somewhat, not jaded or cynical, just tougher. I’m at the proverbial intersectional of Hope Street and Not Giving A Fuck Boulevard, it’s convoluted at the best of times.
Maybe this isn’t Plan A revisited though, maybe it’s Plan A2 or I’m now down around the M’s or the P’s if I add them all up. If you happen to reach Z, do you start over again at AA?
Blowing up a plan isn’t the end of the world either. You can reinvent yourself as you go, it just comes at a price, which is most often financial mixed with self-esteem and confidence issues. If Benjamin Button taught us anything, you can do anything you want or be anyone you want to be, it’s just time that ends up being the enemy.