Stop Making Your Groups Safe Havens for Racists
Over the last few days I’ve observed some great and god-awful examples from personal development leaders in and outside of their Facebook groups in regard to their response to the Black Lives Matter movement sweeping across the country.
Like most industries these leaders are white and are paid lots of money to lead us in the right direction but so many who normally speak out for overcoming obstacles seem to have either gone mute or settled for a wishy-washy stance, with a wishy-washy post.
Protests are spreading to almost every state in America and across the world. This is not going anywhere anytime soon and a business as usual response from leaders we look up to will not cut it.
I can no longer accept your well intended whiteness in the form of MLK quotes and messages of kumbaya. If you are not being anti-racist in your lives, businesses and Facebook groups you are upholding the systems that we are in the streets protesting against.
“Being antiracist is believing that racism is everyone’s problem, and we all have a role to play in stopping it.” The National Museum of African American History & Culture
On Friday afternoon, Marie Forleo, New York Times best seller and dubbed by Oprah as “A thought leader for the next generation,” gave me a lesson I won’t forget in how issues of race should not be addressed in groups right now.
Her dismissal in her B-Schooler’s Facebook group (A group of entrepreneurs who purchased her online course B-School) of the dozens of members (myself included) asking why admins had begun to delete and turn off comments on posts regarding race and business boiled down to “I cannot, and will not, in good conscience — allow posts and comment threads that have a high probability of causing harm to POC in this group. It’s not going to happen on my watch.”
We were told to instead have these conversations in our homes.
It is of course her group and her rules but as a paying customer I have to respond when I disagree.
By banning the conversation from happening she alienated and silenced the BIPOC who were begging to be heard and knowingly or unknowingly created a safe space for the racists within her group. Though to this day she chooses to not view it as silencing at all.
Stop creating safe havens for racists.
Stop patting yourself on the back for stopping conversations that could potentially be harmful to black people instead of taking a stand in your groups that let your followers know that racism will not be tolerated.
The thread of white women praising Marie for this silencing was all I needed to understand my uneasiness of the entire thing. When you have a group of white women giving you praise for preserving their “safe space” and thanking you for “keeping politics out of the group.” You’re on the wrong team.
I won’t even begin to get into the stark comparison of how COVID-19 and other hot button topics that “could be perceived outside of the realm of business” were handled but I will say that no one was told to take their conversations outside.
Though there has been good to come out of it. This has been a great teaching moment for us to learn from and I have seen many of the coaches and entrepreneurs who have encountered the situation and have chosen to go a different route. I’m happy to include a few of my favorites below as well as my own two cents on how we can move towards creating more inclusive spaces.
You must speak up about the injustice that is occurring in this country.
If you are trying to avoid the issue by speaking in code, like “wanting to spread love and light,” or talking about a pain that you don’t actually describe, I’m deleting you. Period. I will no longer compromise my personal development with my need to be treated as a human in this country. If you are unable to say that #blacklivesmatter, I got nothing for you.
Be more concerned about what happens to me when you don’t speak up instead of what happens to you when you do.
Speaking up is hard and it’s scary especially with cancel culture lurking in the recesses of every corner of the internet. Guess what you’re going to mess up sometimes. BUT if you can be honest with your following that you are human, and face correction when called out with grace, people will see your heart.
When you choose to stay quiet about issues of injustice because you’re afraid that it may rub some people the wrong way you value racists over standing against racism.
Ban racists not conversations about race
By ending, blocking or hiding conversations about race because you fear it may spiral out of control you let me know that you have no plans to remove people from your spaces that perpetuate racism. You have chosen a side, it just wasn’t mine.
Denise Duffield-Thomas of Money Bootcamp with Denise DT welcomed conversations of race in the group once they stayed on the topic of money.
This was great to see and make me feel relieved that I would not have to censor a very large part of myself or never see that part reflected as we spoke about everything else under the sun.
Make it very clear to your community that racism will not be tolerated and ban/block them when encountered.
Haley Woods of Girls Love Travel blatantly announced that her group supports #blacklivesmatter and is not the place for you if you’d like to say otherwise.
The time for sitting idly by instead of challenging these ideals are long gone.
Check in and stand up for your black following
If you think it’s hard to watch this play out on television and Twitter imagine what it’s like for your Black following. By showing support and speaking up you are letting your Black followers know that you stand with them in solidarity like Jessica Whitaker did of Build and Bloom, a photography group. She let her followers know that “diversity is a core heartbeat and pillar of the group.” when questioned on keeping the group safe from “politics.”
These are just a few examples of white women using their voice to create a space where I too feel included.
Why is that so important? I post rarely in groups that are filled with white women. It has never felt like a safe space for me but since these shows of solidarity I find myself piping in on the conversations much more freely.
I hate to say that I needed their permission to show up fully as myself, (ugh I hate writing that I have so much work to do as I dismantle my own issues of fearing how white people will view me vs me just being myself.) but publicly hearing that their groups are a space for ME too is needed in a world where Amy Cooper’s make Black people second guess every white person in their timeline.
By the way Amy Cooper’s covert racism and planned hysteria is in no way a new concept to Black people. It’s why we keep our heads on a swivel in public spaces and work environments because it’s impossible to tell who will turn on us and show their true face. You’re going to have to let me know that your group is safe for me too.
Don’t tag random Black people to your posts asking them what you can do and stop creating performative posts asking what you can do.
Where do you go when you have any other question? To Google, of course. It is still there waiting for you to use it.
I understand that it’s hard and sometimes confusing but you’re going to need to Google it like you do everything else. I can’t and won’t do the work for you. If you didn’t notice I got my own problems over here.
The good news is that the information is out there just waiting for you! There are books, articles and educators who devote their lives to education and awareness of Black issues. Check out Rachel Cargle’s Public Address On Revolution as a fantastic starting point.
See, I threw one in for free.
In Rachel’s Public Address she asks, “How will you show up in this time of human history? How will you tell the story to your grandchildren about what action you took during the civil unrest that happened in the year 2020?”
Think carefully about this question. Which side and ideals will you be proud to say you upheld?
Will you tell a tale of toeing the line as to not offend the followers who wish that everything didn’t have to be about race or will your story be about standing against injustice, being anti-racist and doing everything in your power to make the Black people that follow you proud to have you in their circle?
It won’t be possible for you to do both.
I am actively watching the words and actions of my “faves” and will not support friends, businesses and pages that stay silent while I fight for my life. This isn’t a separate issue. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have to think about my race. I can never isolate it from any of my experiences so please make sure that the groups you run don’t ask me to.
