Alright you guys. I’ve done it. I’ve went and figured it out. As many of us have done, on November 15th I flocked to the internet to witness the “Suicide Squad: Extended Cut” with alleged extra footage of Jared Leto’s Joker. As I tried to wrap my mind around the 4 extra minutes of footage of him that were included in the new cut, something hit me. I saw through his zany faces and contextless dialogue. This movie was no critical failure. This movie was an artistic interpretation of the highest proportions, and i’ll tell you why. This is the most meta film DC has released to date. That’s because Jared Leto’s Joker, is not from the same universe as the rest of them.
I know, at this point you’re probably like! Oh my god, why am I still reading this terrible awful garbage I should stop now, but i’m sort of glad you stuck around. What universe is he from then, huh? Relax your furrowed brow my friend. You see, back in the 90’s, director Joel Schumacher was at the helm for two Batman films: Batman Forever and Batman & Robin. Originally meant to be a trilogy, the third and final film of the series was slated to be titled“Batman: Unchained” which followed Batman’s tortured psyche and was meant to include Cameo’s from the past, one including none other than…The Joker. Is it started to come together for you yet? Clearly, this is the only reasonable explanation that Leto would give such a zany and what some would speculate as an “over the top” performance.
Here’s the bulk of my theory: He escaped through a wormhole, from an alternate dimension where Batman Unchained was made. Then, angry that the dimensional transfer was unsuccessful, he scalded the doctor who assisted him entering the new world for “Erasing” his mind and “what few faded memories” he had”. Eventually he falls in love with her, despite her having left him in a “Black hole of rage and confusion” on the other side. Later in the film, Harley is reminded of a fight between the two of them. During this fight flashback, he reminds her that he is not someone “who is loved”. That he is “an idea”. Around every bend and corner, Leto’s Joker looks to dehumanize himself however possible. This most certainly sounds like the heretical ramblings of an inter-dimensional traveler to me, don’t you think? Black holes? A lack of humanity? He’s a character from another world and time who’s just been thrown away and he’s reasonably upset.
Now on the other side of the hole and into the new DCEU, Jared Leto’s Joker has come to avenge the death of his franchise by bringing the giddy silliness of Schumacher’s Batman into 2016. Doesn’t it all make perfect sense? It’s why he struggles so hard and has so little character development, because most of his character was sucked away when he went through the black hole. So now, all you fan kids can stop complaining about how much you were disappointed by the extended cut, cause the truth is: it’s a work of fucking art. If you dare talk about it as anything less, than Jared Leto’s Joker will dimension hop through a hole and he will NOT stop talking to you out of context. Anyway, i’ll stop typing now as i’m sure your feeble minds will need to rest after receiving such dire and historical information. This will change the world. Perhaps not the critical reception of the DCEU, but it certainly dismisses the critical reception in my heart. After all, it’s decorative gourd season guys. If you’re mad, don’t watch the stupid extended cut. Pick some damned gourds then. This is America, after all.
Suicide Squad: Extended Cut is now available to own on Digital HD and will be released on Blu Ray December 13th.
(Oh and I can’t believe I have to say this, but this is satire guys. Okay? Okay thanks.)
