DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleFEMA Officials Hounded by White House for Access to “Golden Alert Laptop”After a test of the Presidential Alert system on Wednesday morning reached U.S. mobile phones across the nation, rumblings from the White…Oct 3, 2018Oct 3, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleBrave: Donald Trump Suggests Robert Mueller Sexually Assaulted HimIn a shocking strategic pivot, Donald Trump took to Twitter on Friday accusing Robert Mueller of sexually assaulting him. Embattled by…Sep 21, 2018Sep 21, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleAmerica’s Hungry, Poor Gather to Eat Bountiful Stock MarketKey sectors drip with flavor, For the indigent to savor, The table is set, For the appetites we’ve whet.Sep 7, 2018Sep 7, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleLAPD Code of Ethics Replaced with Thelemic LawThe Los Angeles Police Department Code of Conduct Has Been Reduced to ‘Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be the Whole of the Law’Aug 31, 2018Aug 31, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleHeroic Dog Barking At Wall Only Thing Protecting Family From Demonic ForcesLouisville, KY — Professor Paws, golden Labrador and darling of the Parker family, has waged an exhausting war to defend the couple and…Aug 29, 2018Aug 29, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleFlag Returns to Half Staff After White House Aides Explain Concept Of Death To President TrumpWashington, DC — The flag sitting atop the White House returned to half staff on Monday in remembrance of John McCain’s service to the…Aug 28, 2018Aug 28, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleNetflix Reviewers Scramble for New Activity to Fill Aching Void InsideThe recent erasure of all Netflix film and television reviews has left its most stalwart reviewers feeling bereft and listless. Long…Aug 23, 2018Aug 23, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleTrump Blames U.S. Prisoner Strike on Removal of Mystical Confederate Effigies Against Black CrimeWASHINGTON D.C. — President Trump delivered a surprise press conference on the White House lawn this morning in response to nationwide…Aug 21, 2018Aug 21, 2018
DamianinperfectlyimperfectpeopleChild Rescued from Pedophile Ring in Daring Raid by Larger, Crueler Pedophile RingCAPE TOWN — An Internet pedophile ring with a measly 1,000 members — small fries in the world of the sexually monstrous — has been…Aug 17, 2018Aug 17, 2018
DamianJenny McCarthy Makes Public Statement Denouncing Technology After Learning of Minecraft’s Rumored…Actress, model, television host, and anti-vaccine activist Jenny McCarthy has come out publicly against technology in a statement made at…Aug 16, 2018Aug 16, 2018