In my sick bed!
While on this sick bed it struck on me that i have actually been the one begging some of the so called humans in my life for attention, care, love and friendship and to be honest i am done because tell me why i dropped my big ego to have a conversation with you about the distance between us and you try to gaslight me believing that i am the problem? Talmbout, have you tried to put an effort and the mumu in me really did try to put an effort because in my head “something is off”, “i need to try harder” and “i need to fix me” for a better relationship with people. Lmao i tried three calls or there about after the make up and was about to do fourth today and it struck me hard on this bed.
Like yo! dami slow down, what is wrong with you? And i began to ask myself questions in my head and yes this time, i got answers to the questions my head asked because what has this person done himself to prove that i am worth the keep as a friend or other wise? why i should be the only one to do the “damage control”?
Oh i get it, another thing i would probably get or hear is “it’s all wrapped in your head”, “Everyone is busy here” or “ Fight for it". Fucking hell, What is wrong with some of you people? Why can’t you just be there for just a tiny bit for somebody trying hard to be a part of you? Oh wait, i think i get it.
Being with or without people won’t stop me from dying alone afterwards so make everybody get out because trying to paint another picture of the entire scenario is even stupid please.
And before you say anything dumb yea? I am loved at home and by my mum so yea that’s enough as i don’t even know exactly what i am looking for in somebody else’s soup, all because i want to be part of your life or make friends.
I am always scared of losing friends or people around me but at this point yea, lmao i don’t give a big F because whaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttttt?
I’m angry and agitated that’s why i decided to put this down and i feel this is the only way i could feel better.
✌
Taiwo.
