This Present Moment

As I type this on my phone, I’m slowly pacing around the deck of my fathers home.

There’s a never ending cacophony of grasshoppers and other critters that sing during the evening. I say sing but it could be cries or mating calls. They love to make noise.

Dewey the cat is here with me. Like myself, he too is stuffed from a dinner fit for kings. He had dry cat food with chicken fat, soy sauce, and canola oil to season it. That is quite rich, especially for a cat. I had vegetable stir fry with chicken as a protein. The body feels full and content.

Lately I have been laying outside basking in the present moment. It has been peaceful interspersed moments of bliss. It’s been like a drug and that worries me a little; oddly enough.

I feel like I don’t want to do anything but bathe in the awareness that I am. Yes I have desires but they seem so meaningless in the foreground of awareness. It’s like the present says everything is going to be okay but the mind says otherwise.

It was a real struggle to come together to write this. The present moment is so enticing.

When you have struggled with anxiety, depression, and other forms of suffering for so long, the present moment is a welcome respite.

But then there’s life.

And life insinuates bills, work, etc.

May I be homeless?

That thought has crossed my mind. That’s how good the present moment feels.

The good news is I believe when I snap out of it, that I can create from a place of happiness instead of creating something to be happy.

But right now, I’m just going to melt. Melt into the awareness that I am.

My hope is that you do the same at least once.