THE HUMAN CONDITION: PRIVILEGE & RACISM
A few months ago I was driving through Los Angeles to meet Van Jones. My mind was spinning with so many things that I wanted to talk with Van about — race, identity, fair and balanced reporting etc…At the restaurant, Van was eager to discuss any and all of these things. He truly is a great talker and listener.
Twenty minutes into our time together I noticed that he was getting all of the attention from the waitress, the barista, and the host.
Shit, I am not in Santa Monica anymore — my turf — my place of black power! The baristas know my name at my local Starbucks and I enjoy that privilege.
I remember thinking, “Next time Van Jones comes to the westside”.
I missed my privilege.
When I stand in a line and notice that the line gets longer behind me I feel privileged. I not-so-secretly enjoy the fact that even though I am not in the front of the line there is still someone behind me. This is the type of moment that we normally feel, but do not articulate. We are comforted by privilege.
privilege: a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor
We are quick to tear down white men for wanting their privileged position back in society. The truth is, many of us, given the same gender and race would want the same thing. Until we admit that we all want to feel and be privileged and that when it is taken away we miss it, we will not come together as a society. We will continue to talk at each other and not with each other.
As I left my meeting with Van, I continued to ponder my need for privilege and how it related to my daily. At a red light I noticed a high-end café. It seemed to me that most of the people sitting outside, enjoying the Southern California sunshine, were of Latin descent.
My inner voice said, “Wow, I didn’t know they could afford such expensive coffee.” They!?
THEY?! Yep, my inner voice had a racist thought.
I had a racist thought. Yes, that makes me a racist.
Admitting racist thoughts is not easy, but it is a reality acknowledged when alone, or with our most trusted friends and family. That said, as an African American, it is easier for me to admit, in a more public setting, that I have racist thoughts. Right or wrong, it is assumed that either people of color can’t be racist, or that we are allowed to be racist because we were enslaved and stripped of our rights; therefore, our thoughts regarding other races are at times, permitted to be, well, racist. We get a pass.
I have used this pass as a controlling device in mixed company and I have seen other black people do it too. It is the moment where we drop the “N” word and watch everyone try to figure out whether or not they are OK with the use of a racist term being used by anyone. It is a strange privilege, a party trick that, if only for a few moments, it gives us complete control of the room, the conversation.
racism: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.
When white men drop the “N” word, or they say something inappropriate in a meeting, or at a party about the Jews or the Mexicans. They are given no time to discover why their comments were inappropriate or recover from what now has become a disastrous moment.
When I say something racist I am usually given time to really examine why I feel that way and how to change that thought. Time, patience, judgment or lack thereof means that my racist thoughts have a much better chance of transforming into a more enlightened thought. Of course not all self-examinations are going to lead to an epiphany. However, if we are mindful of our human condition this will foster empathy — safer environments — that will enable more productive conversations around race and race relations.
Acceptance is always the first step towards discovery and recovery. Well meaning white men just need to be heard first, and not judged. This is the basis of Alcoholics Anonymous and other organizations that ask their members to admit who they are, and what they are before they speak e.g. “Hello, my name is Damon and I am a racist.”
Last weekend a couple of the white dads at my son’s lacrosse game could not stop smiling when I told them about my racist, privileged thoughts before and after my meeting with Van Jones. They nodded when I equated those thoughts with the human condition. We had a conversation about race and privilege that was full of curiosity and discovery rather than resentment and ignorance. Perhaps the next time they are in a room full of white men, they will use my story to help a friend identify, investigate and destroy a racist thought before it becomes a racist action.
To be clear, I am not giving a pass to those using racism to regain privilege. However, the potential for constructive conversations stops when we begin to label behavior. If we want to come together as a nation let’s start with the understanding that, to some degree, we are all “suffering” under the human condition of racism and privilege.
This brings me back to Van Jones who is attempting to have these types of conversations with people on both sides of the aisle.
His online show called THE MESSY TRUTH https://youtu.be/AwKOjgYwC6Q is a great example of really trying to absorb, value and discuss other people’s points of view.
My hope is that he will continue to have the patience, wisdom and understanding of the basic human condition so that he and other like-minded people, can bring us together again…and that our next meeting is in Santa Monica.
