I Still Dare to Hope

I will never forget this awful time,
 as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope
 when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
 His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
 his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
 therefore, I will hope in him!”

The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
 to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly
 for salvation from the Lord. Lamentations 3:20–26

I’ve read that grief is the payment for loving so deeply.

Holding two sweet boys while looking into a tiny coffin.

Looking at our “little buddy”. We love him so fiercely.

The world moves on while the grieving remembers, listens, waits for healing, abides.

The boys and I sat on the bed last night. The three of us; legs tucked under. Whispering, we took turns sharing how we could see God loving us while our hearts miss Courage oh so much.

Oscar said “dinners that people bring for us is God loving us.” Wells said “the presents”. They’ve received gifts from people and that is a way that the boys have seen God loving us. I said that people coming around us in support and open arms is a way that God is loving us.

God we needed that. We needed to see your love like that. To feel your embrace and warm acceptance and wide loving comfort.

Right here in the midst of so much pain God is not just showing up, He’s in it all. With us.

We talked about how God showed His presence and power to the Israelites when He took them out of Egypt and through the wilderness.

We are in the wilderness.

But we would rather be in the wilderness with God than anywhere else without Him. (Psalm 84:10)

In these blistery, parched, excruciating days a desperate need for God is at the center of every breath that we take.

The boys and I are receiving “manna” everyday. God provides. But, the manna is not what is keeping us alive in the desert.

My eyes are open so that I can see my boys. And with open eyes I see my God, the creator of all, looking into me.

I can see Him holding us in the desert. I don’t know where He is leading but I know He is good. And He has us. I can see that my boys aren’t just surviving this.

They feel the pain and share what they are feeling and how much they miss Courage, but they are living. They have joy. They run and laugh and play. Our moments of sharing in our loss is hard but they feel thankfulness that we were the family God picked for Courage. They know what hope is. They know Courage is with the Lord in Heaven.

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.