How to Thrive in Unknown Seasons of Life

Hello again, friends. Remember me? I’m the gal who wrote about being on sabbatical for 6 weeks awhile back. The sabbatical continues (we’re past the 3 month mark), and I stink much less now at not having a full-time job. I am amazed at the life lessons that continue to unfold for me during this season. Life is murky right now because I just don’t know what’s to come. I’m wrestling with that and learning to accept it.

I felt it best to write while I remain in the thick of it all. I hope that writing about my ongoing experience in the middle of the unknown encourages you.

Many times people commend others for obeying God or acting in faith, but they don’t know the behind the scenes story. They don’t know the in between details. They don’t know what the in between hours, days, months, or years looks like. They don’t know about tears cried, costs involved, losses incurred, or risks taken.

I’m in the in between and I can tell you that — at it’s best — the water here is downright murky. But this is not a complaint. This is rejoicing! I have joy in the unknown. When things are pretty uncertain, you cling to the handful of things you do know. These past three months God’s reminded me of my word for the year, helped me see what I probably don’t want to do next, and helped me take a new approach to each day. These are the things that buoy me in the murky waters. I’d like to share those revelations with you in case you’re in a season of waiting and looking for anchor points to hold on to.

Note: Look for personal applications during this article each time you see “TIP” appear.

My Word for the Year

You know that trend where people choose a word for the year and then try to live by it? Some people choose their word by opening a book, closing their eyes, and selecting the first word their finger points to. Others sense they know what next year’s word will be a few months in advance. Me? In the Fall of 2015 I began praying for God to guide me to a word for 2016. And like any strong-willed child, I wanted to reject the word that kept coming to mind.

My word this year is EXPECTANT (not the favorite word in the English language of infertile gals like myself). A verse continually popped up to accompany the word, too. It’s Matthew 7:7 — > “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.”

This past January I determined that being “expectant” must mean I can just anticipate more good things from God this year. While that is a biblical anticipation, I never dreamed that by late March He’d lead me to see that working remote at my dream job wouldn’t be sustainable and that a very rewarding season of my life would come to an end.

I didn’t anticipate my word would take on the meaning it has. For the first 6 months the word “expectant” felt like a poor fitting pair of jeans. (If you don’t know what too-small jeans feel like, then we can’t be friends.) Around early June, my uncomfortable one-word jeans relaxed and the word “expectant”became a comfort to me. It was a miraculous fitting! God wasn’t mistaken when He gave me the hint months ago that my heart would become expectant for new things to come this year. My hope is multiplying. His plan is amazing even though I don’t know it yet. He will turn my heart’s desires to match what He has for me to do next. My faith in the goodness of what’s to come is increasing, so now seems an ideal time to share that even though the future is still quite murky and unknown to me, I will someday get to post here again that He’s revealed a beautiful plan.

TIP: Go back to the last thing or two you documented that God revealed to you (re-read journal entries, social media shares, blog posts, emails) and remind yourself of what He was showing you before the uncertainty hit. I have no doubt God prepared you for this change somehow and He will not leave you alone. Claim that revelation He gave you as an anchor point to hold on so you don’t drift away from your personal relationship with Jesus in the confusion of this time in life.

What I Probably Won’t Do

As I mentioned, this sabbatical doesn’t have a deadline. (And if you know me, you know I love a hard deadline. And being on time. And sharp pencils. And tidy closets.) There is still no job plan in sight for me. It’s awkward to admit that I truly have no inkling what I’ll be doing this time next year or next month, for that matter. But I appreciate the questions, ideas, and invitations that have come my way the past 90 days to help me determine a few things I don’t plan to do:

1. I’m not looking to return to being on staff at a church right away. It’s too soon. I loved my job and don’t think my heart could make the switch to a new staff so quickly. You know the term “rebound relationship”? I don’t want to inflict that on any church staff.
2. I have no plans to plant a church. (But a thousand thank you’s to those of you who believed enough in my ability and encouraged me to give it a try.)
3. Many people are great consultants, but I’m not looking to start my own consulting gig. I don’t work best on my own but am wired for teamwork. I want to work with a dynamic global team and lead others within that team towards a single world-changing goal for God’s glory.
4. Blogging doesn’t feel like something I’ll do full time. It’s been a great thing to do off and on for a decade, and I love hearing how the posts are helping others, but I sense it’s likely for a season. DanaByers.com (and previous blogs our family have had) have consistently been the places I get to share, learn, and encourage during seasons of transition in life. Nothing less…and likely nothing more.
5. I wrote an unpublished book about five years ago and then I re-wrote it all over again these past few months. I still don’t like it. So either I’m an insufferable perfectionist, or I’ll actually get it sorted and publish it someday, or I’m not cut out for the author thing. To say the least, it’s been a great opportunity to process things and express life through organized words. That’s enough for me for now.

TIP: Can you identify some things you feel pretty sure God’s not leading you to do next? That will help make your options less broad and can bring a greater sense of calm to life.

A New Perspective on Each Day

Since I wrote the previous post on my sabbatical, it would appear on the outside that very little has changed in our family’s life. But I know I am a different person. That realization in and of itself takes my breath away. If you have kids, then you know what it’s like when they walk in the room and you suddenly think they’ve grown taller overnight. Well, I’m certainly no taller after these three months of sabbatical, but I trust God and my family see the changes in me that I sense in myself.

TIP: If you’re in the middle of uncertainty, look for ways God’s changing you to keep you motivated.

A challenging new habit developed during this murky and unknown season is asking myself in the morning what I’d regret not having done on any given day when my pillow hits the head in the evening. I am trying to approach my days differently than I used to. My answers to this question vary dramatically by the day, but here are some of the best ones that have surfaced:

• parasailing with my son
• having a long conversation on the front patio with new neighbors
• buying a bike to explore the trails around our home
• reading and learning more about social justice issues that break my heart
• calling a friend to say I love and miss her
• volunteering in new places
• connecting to a local church
• sharing a secret part of my life publicly
• learning to play a new game with my family
• riding a roller coaster my daughter loves with her

None of this is epic, Dana.

I totally get that. No hard feelings. But the beauty of discovering something powerful to ourselves is recognizing that maybe it means very little to others. That’s ok — we’re all in different seasons and need to learn different lessons at various times. This fact doesn’t make what God reveals to you or me during murky seasons of life any less valuable. Hold on to all the things He’s teaching you right now. Write them down and keep them in your heart.

What’s of interest to me is that nearly all of the activities listed above are things I’d not have placed value on had I not walked through the sadness of realizing my job was no longer going to work and living in the gray of it all. I think the murky state of life has changed my perspective somewhat. I wasn’t appreciating all that was right in front of my eyes every day. Work was a great source of fulfillment to me. While I don’t think that’s bad, I was left with a gaping hole in my life when it ended. Over time God is slowly filling up that joy and I’m so glad.

What It Feels Like

I remain confident that leaving my role is what God led me to do through a series of clear circumstances, but it’s tough to describe the experience of stepping away from a beloved job that was full of purpose. The best way I can describe obedience while living in the gray is the feeling of floating. At a young age I learned that if I keep my chin up and don’t struggle in the water, I’ll remain afloat. But the minute I’d start talking, looking around, or breathing at a rapid rate, my legs would begin sinking.

It’s clear I can only stay afloat in this season of uncertainty in life by taking long and slow deep breaths, by relaxing into my current reality, and by avoiding struggling with my circumstances if at all possible. Are you wrestling against the circumstances God has placed you in today?

What does avoiding struggling with murky life conditions look like, practically? It means I am not crafting my resume. I’m not out there searching for a job. I don’t say yes to opportunities that come my way when my heart says no…even though that means continuing to float and wait. I believe now is not the time for me to hustle and force change. I’m not seeking a new job but trusting God will provide one in His time. And I’m going to love it and I will get to contribute in a very fulfilling way.

The juxtaposition of living in the unknown and still having joy is an experience I wanted to do my best to communicate to you if you need encouragement during this season of life, too.

TIP: During this season of uncertainty, ask God to change your perspective on things. Let him wreck you for new initiatives and causes where you can invest your gifts. Don’t try to wrestle your way out of the season too early or you’ll be underprepared for what’s next. Live expectantly — knowing the past years weren’t necessarily the best years of your life but that many other amazing opportunies lie ahead, too. Appreciate what was, and trust that more good is around the corner. Trust that God’s plan is better than the one you were clinging to. Keep on asking, seeking, and knocking.