I usually scroll through my Facebook quickly. Most people do, I imagine. There’s endless memes, snarky e-cards and pictures of babies. As we got closer to Memorial Day — a day for Americans where they either use it as an excuse to get drunk go to the beach or try to educate the younger set on what the day is really for — I noticed a trend.

Lots and lots of “this is what Memorial Day is really about!” pictures. The first one was fine. The second was, too. And then I saw close to a hundred that day. Hundreds of people pouring out their hearts for the U.S. military. What our country doesn’t seem to lack is patriotism. Talking to some people though, you’d think that we were anemic on self-love.

The posts eventually dwindled down after the holiday was over and people got back to their normal lives. Except a couple images continued to pop up. One in particular caught my eye. It was a picture of a soldier carrying a comrade while taking on enemy fire. It was a powerful photo marred by a horrible caption: “I keep hearing about how Bruce Jenner has courage and bravery for coming out. I wanted to remind people what REAL American heroes looked like.”

I’ll be honest. This upset me a little. Just a few weeks ago when the original Jenner interview aired and people tuned in to either applaud of gawk at her, something wonderful happened. Trans teens cried out on Twitter and other social media platforms in delight that they had a hero of their own. That their hero was an Olympian! No, not just an Olympian — someone who is heralded as one of the best atheletes of all time. That’s pretty grand praise. How many people do you know that even go for a run on a daily basis? I know I don’t.

Jenner is undeniably saving lives. The transgendered community suffers a 41% suicide rate. http://articles.latimes.com/2014/jan/28/local/la-me-ln-suicide-attempts-alarming-transgender-20140127

Please let that sink in for a moment. Have you ever contemplated suicide before? I have. When Leela Alcorn, the 17 year old girl, took her life last year, the internet was in an uproar.

“How could her mother treat her like that?! How could she still treat her like a boy?! Why didn’t she love her daughter?!”

I was one of those people. I was heartbroken for Leela, her friends and her family. If only Leela had been able to see Jenner’s interview. If only she was able to hear real doctors on tv proclaim, “they’re people. Just like us.” Would she still be alive? There’s no point in thinking about it now, since it won’t bring back the dead. But what about the others who are so gravely affected by Jenner’s transitioning? I’ve heard all sorts of things about Jenner. Most reactions have been positive, thank goodness. But a swelling number of transphobic tweets and messages are still coming through.

People have been complaining that we aren’t spending enough time praising our troops. That we shouldn’t be paying Jenner anymore attention. That there’s too much of her on tv. Well, I’m so sorry you’re inconvenienced and that you have to see a prolific athelte come out at the ripe old age of 65 to say “yes, I am a woman and always have been.”

The woman is helping people. Is she helping you? If she’s not, carry on. But people need her. People need to know that trans people are people in every way, shape and form. They need to know they are not invisible and they need to know that their lives matter. We have Memorial Day. We have Veterans Day. And don’t forget — we have all those millions of facebook posts saying that if you support a troop, reposts.

What I rarely, ever see are people speaking out and saying, “hey that’s great. I hope more people have the courage to speak up and go through what Jenner did.”

Instead what I’m hearing is, well the troops made it possible for Jenner to even do that.

Guess what? 41%.

41% of our transgendered community is still taking their own lives because they do NOT feel accepted in our country. This should be totally appalling to people but instead, I see people going on witch hunts for people stepping on flags. Is that disrespectful? Hell yes it is! But what’s more offensive is a country full of people who tell others they aren’t as important or they don’t have the same rights they do. What is our country fighting for if not equality for everyone?

For years I never had the courage to tell people who I really was.

Only a select people actually know.

Because being myself in my developing years was so stressful and so traumatic, I never once thought about telling my other friends and family my real identity. Not my mother, not my sister. Certainly not my father. I heard all sorts of things growing up.

“It’s just a phase.”

“Why can’t you just like boys, then? It’s easier.”

“Well, just keep it to yourself.”

“You’re going to go to hell and that makes me sad for you.”

I’ve heard all this and more, all because I identify as queer.

With the prevalence of feminist and LGBT-positive magazines such as Bust, Bitch and the hard work and dedication of so many wonderful websites, I’ve been able to find a safe place. I’ve found a community. I have friends who are queer. They are wonderful people. I admitted to my boyfriend this afternoon that I never actually thought a relationship with a woman would ever be possible because I just didn’t have the courage to come out and tell people.

What if I had fallen in love with a woman, instead? I don’t know. I loathe to think about it.

It’s incredibly difficult for me to write this. Because once you’re out, you can’t exactly go back in. My chances of being the victim of violence are greater. http://www.avp.org/resources/avp-resources/315--2013-report-on-lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgender-queer-and-hiv-affected-hate-violence

In college part of my descent into clinical depression and my eventual departure from the university was large in part to being bullied. I attempted to explore my sexuality, other women on my floor found out and well…you can just imagine what happened.

Being in the LGBT community has been a living hell at times, but it’s who I am. I am proud of Jenner. I am glad she is on television. I am glad she’s annoying you all with her transition and I can only hope that one day you realize just how wonderful a thing this has been for so many, many people.