Goal procrastination

A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning and the first thought that popped into my head was:

“Do a Ted Talk”.

My second thought was:

“Impossible. No way. Who am I to do a Ted Talk?”

So I told my brain to put away that crazy thought.

Then, a week later, I decided to take another look at the idea. Maybe I DO want to do a Ted Talk? Actually… I do!

The goal was set: I’m doing a Tedx talk.

I put together an action plan of 10 things I was going to do to reach my goal.

After a few days of procrastinating on my plan, I got curious about why I wasn’t taking action.

I took a look at my list (specifically the things I was avoiding — join Toastmasters, “practice” honing my ideas with 1 minute Instagram reels, apply…).

I noticed that my thought about those things was that they were “hard”.

I dug a little deeper…

What did I think was “hard” about those things?

Joining Toastmasters = I don’t want to feel incompetent, embarrassed

Create 1 minute reels = I don’t feel self-conscious, judged, criticized

Apply to Tedx events = I don’t want to feel rejected, disappointed, frustrated

It wasn’t the action themselves that I perceived as “hard” — it was the FEELINGS.

I didn’t want to feel: incompetent, embarrassed, self-conscious, judged, criticized, rejected, disappointed, frustrated.

So I dug a little deeper.

Unpleasant emotions are just uncomfortable sensations in my body — what’s the big deal?

Then I realized, it wasn’t the feelings that were the problem — it’s how I handle them (or rather, how I DON’T handle them).

Processing my emotions is something I have to consciously practice — it doesn’t come naturally to me yet.

Instead of processing my unpleasant emotions, I avoid them. But my resistance usually comes out as irritability and impatience with my family.

Instead of processing my unpleasant emotions, I try to distract myself from them through work. But that just keeps me stuck thinking that I always need to “do” more.

Instead of processing my unpleasant emotions, I assign meaning to the feelings, creating stories about why I can’t do something, why it’s impossible for me.

The real reason I was procrastinating was because I KNEW that instead of processing my uncomfortable emotions that come along with stepping outside of my comfort zone, I was going to create a whole bunch of unnecessary suffering for myself.

So I did what I help my clients with: I created a thought and feeling plan. (we teach what we have to learn…and relearn)

This is the missing piece to goal setting. (And one I sometimes miss)

Anyone can make an action plan. Following said plan is the challenging part.

What determines if you follow your plan is how you think and feel.

The irony is, this was one of my “Big Ideas” for my Ted Talk:

The problem with your challenging emotions is that you make them a problem.

The counterintuitive truth is: The fastest way to feel the way you WANT is to allow yourself to feel the way you actually do.

Processing uncomfortable emotions is simple. But it doesn’t come naturally. It’s a skill we need to practice. And when we do, this simple skill has the capacity to completely transform our lives because we STOP letting our emotions stop us from the things we really want.

If mastering your mind and mental and emotional health is something you’d like help with, email me.

Whether you have BIG goals or simply want to feel better, I would love to support you.

To feeling all the feels