How to heal a broken heart.
These days I’ve been experiencing the feeling of rejection from the person I love the most. I thought writing about it can help sooth the pain to some extent. The pain of love is something you cannot escape if you want to find your soulmate. Whether you succeed or not, it may happen once or more along the journey of love. So here how it goes for me.
For the first time in my life I’ve been extremely brave as I can go as far as it takes to be with the person I love. It shed a light into my soul as I found someone to talk to about just anything and someone whom I felt completely comfortable with. It’s three month and two days since we went on our first date. I cannot count all the laughters and tears when we’re together, but that’s not the point of our relationship. This relationship brought me so much hope that I began to paint our future in my head. The future when we finally got our own home and could wake up besides each other’s sleeping face, when we finally got a place to cuddle each other without fear of recognition, when we finally could be our whole self. But the sweet parts did not last long. Then the days of conflict and collapse bent us down. We kept saying things hurtful and pushed each other away. Then the final words came up, that we chose to live without each other. It’s painful, and craking us down, yet we still chose that way of living. It’s been 24 hours since we’re apart, but it felt like a million times hitting the replay button at our song while I spent most of the day lying in my bed, falling asleep again and again, in the blur of the melody. I looked at our photos and I decided that I would keep them safe at my heart. Because we were the first thing I felt so right that I chose to expose all of my scars to us, that I could go a million miles toward us just because of a word “yes”, that my heart felt like jumping out of my chest when we’re hugging and kissing.
I had so much hope in our relationship that it did break my heart when I heard the word “goodbye”. And I guess I would leave it to the hands of time, when I can finally be clean from all of our memories.