There’s a huge (yuge) shift going on for me right now.
I’m doing my best not to over-analyse but instead to observe and enjoy it.
If i hadn’t already have done my fair share of ego deaths with spiral and so on id think i was going mental.
The two most obvious transitions seem to be:
1. MOVING FROM EGO DRIVEN TO SOUL DRIVEN
(No i’m not saying i have no ego nor do i think that’s even desirable)
2. MOVING FROM MASCULINE STRATEGIC NAVIGATION TO FEMININE INTUITIVE NAVIGATION
I was reflecting back on one of my old (like a few months ago) goals to do $170K sales months.
Right now i couldn’t give two shits about that.
I don’t even understand that desire at all.
Whats it for?
So i can beat the other coaches? eww.
Don’t misread this and think i’m renouncing material wealth or money..
I see that’ as much of an ego trip as being obsessessed with money.
What’ changing is not the outer stuff as much as the internal and embodied questions i’m asking:
what lights my soul up?
what brings bliss?
what am i fascinated with?
what’s calling me?
is it necessary to DO anything right now?
how am i vibrating and resonating?
I’m also taking some advice from Rex mcann to not jump into creating something new as a way of rebuilding saftey and structure.
“8 week online practical sorcery training anyone? just $297?”
i can do that anytime.. right now.. bring on the disintegration!
The wisest thing seems to be to leave space and feel into whats coming in next.
During one process last week I got in touch with my little boy.
The 5 year old who loved ghosts and stonehenge and Egypt and vikings and the Bermuda triangle and merlin!
A deep insight i got was..
if i wanna feel my full creativity to allow his fascination and delight to consume me.
To go to those places. To read those books and.. to dream and
i packed up my books this week with a big box getting given away and.. the ones i kept — studies on tarot and magical practice and ancient mystery schools and so on.
I’ve ALWAYS loved these subjects.
For the last 9 years, though i’ve concentrated on marketing, influence, and communication.
For the next while i’m gonna read fiction and study magic and all the other stuff that calls me.
(if anyone has copies of the Dragonlance novels they want to give away — I want to read them all!)
Which brings me to this idea of more feminine navigation.
I get a sense to not plan anything much.
I’ve got a few amazing prebooked things:
Alchemy Live weekend in June.
Spiral practitioner in Byron in July.
Tantra is love in June, July, August, November.
Speaking at the Ista festival in Israel in September
Dropping into the modern mystery school at Highden for 6 weeks in Sept/Oct.
I’m not taking on new 1:1 clients or running new workshops or courses.
I am taking interviews, podcasts, talks and rituals.
In and around all that though, for the first time in a decade -
THERE IS NO PLAN.
my lease concludes here in Byron.
I’ve sold/given away 90% of my stuff.
My business is being restructured so i’m not ‘running’ it.
And i’m just… OPEN.
I’ve been a master PLANNER for the last 15 years.
When i’m uncertain i design plans and set and re-set goals.
Right now i’m ALLOWING the uncertainty to devour me and let it be a gateway into the mystery.
It’s scary, vulnerable, fun and exciting.
Image: Julian Melchiorri