The Purge…
I am sick today.
It came on quickly yesterday after my chiropractic session and feels like my body is simply demanding rest and taking some time to purge and cleanse.
I’m very close to having a full album written (lyrics written) and have beats for maybe 60% to 70% of them.
When I sit down to write there is a cacophony of self-doubt and criticism
already there waiting for me.
Actually… not when I sit down to write.
I’m actually really solid at that.
When I IMAGINE my music going out into the world though.
Into the world of Tiktok and reels.
The world where teenagers bounce their tits and get 200,000 views.
The world where a disabled man farts along to some heavy rock and goes viral.
Do I even belong in this infinite swamp?
On the one hand, I believe I have a deep grasp of human behaviour and understand marketing better than 90% of the population.
On the other… I don’t relate.
I don’t relate to so much of what seems to fill the airwaves.
The politics.
The obsession with gender, race, nationality, football teams, horrible pop songs.
This is how my inner critic sounds:
“So let me get this straight… you’re a 43-year-old white man and… you’re going to release a rap album… that is heavily inspired by advanced occult themes and cynical critiques of spiritual subculture?”
“It’s a global pandemic and you want to rap about ‘being a wizard’?”
“Who exactly do you think wants to hear that?”
And then ALL of the not enoughs…
You’re not photogenic enough.
You can’t sing.
You’re not good enough at music production.
No one will dance to this music.
This wont make any money.
This isn’t spiritually significant enough.
It’s self-indulgent.
This wont help anybody.
It doesn’t really make any sense.
It’s too difficult to market this stuff.
Literally NO-ONE gives a shit about this.
The thing is though…
I’m not listening to these fears so much lately.
I imagine that the sickness and the snotty-ness is my body releasing all this stuff out of me.
My soul is telling me to make an album.
That’s what I’m doing.
And I’m getting close!
Love & Dark,
Dane “Snot-face” Tomas.
