How to be unreliable.

Emmanuel Nankpah Dangata
Nov 1 · 3 min read

Earlier this year, I had an interesting conversation with my girlfriend. I can’t remember what the exact words were, but at some point it went something like this:

“Sarge, do you know one thing I love about you?”

“Nope.”

“You’re reliable.”

I couldn’t believe the words I’d just heard. Me? Reliable? How?

Truth be told, I had never, prior to that point, thought of myself as being reliable. Love must has blinded her because I had always scolded myself for being always so unreliable. As a matter of fact, around 2010–2013, I was the 3rd most unreliable person in Jos, a few unreliability points behind my friend, Big Moh and the guy who used to fix our printer in Rwang Pam street who were second and first respectively. So you can imagine how shocked I was that someone thought I was reliable! I thought about it. While I certainly didn’t/don’t think I am more reliable than the average Nigerian male in his mid-twenties, I realised that I was far less unreliable than I was a few years ago. I was a little sad, the unreliable version of me had more drama and thrilling stuff going on.

Since my glory days as unreliable Sarge are over, I’ve decided to pass on the knowledge to anyone who has been trying to be unreliable but has been struggling. This post should have been on how to be reliable, but I’m still figuring it out. These points if followed religiously will help to make you the unreliable person you’ve always wanted to be. Most unreliable people achieve their coveted status by adhering to the following simple rules.

Number one, say Yes!

“Can you come to my house by 12am tomorrow?” “Can I smoke in your car?” “Will you please help me with my homework and for two of my friends even though the deadline is 24hours away?” “Can you accompany me to a party?”

All unreliable people know that the answer to all of the questions above is “Yes!” The logic is simple — if you say yes enough, you’re more likely to make obligations that you can’t fulfil because of the inevitable conflict between the things you’ve agreed to do. Saying yes is the most reliable path to being unreliable. Please everyone or be unreliable trying.

Just as an extra, while you’re busy saying yes to everything, assume that you’re superman. Afterall, the Bible says “I can do ALL THINGS, through Christ who strengthens me.” So don’t let your incompetence and weaknesses stop you, brethren. Doesn’t matter if they want you to build them a rocket in 90 days or marry them, just say Yes! No nos!

Two: Procrastinate. A lot!

This should be a no-brainer, really. Say this to yourself “I will do it later.” The more undone items on your to-do list (you shouldn’t even have an actual list), the more likely you are to be unreliable. Time waits for the unreliable. So, guy, relax!

3. Lie small.

“Abeg give me five minutes, I dey hold up” when you’re only about to hit the shower never hurt anybody. I’m not saying you should be a chronic liar o. But a little white lie here and there is essential for your unreliability game. The whiter the better though, we’re not trying to hurt people here.

Be friends with everyone (that’s four)

The more people you’re friends with, the more things you are to say yes to. And the more things you say yes to, the more likely you are to disappoint. And the more you disappoint… I’m sure you get the point. ‘Cause if you don’t, the seeds of unreliability are not in you.

Finally, never Finish ANYTHING.

Finishing is reliable people stuff. Eww! It is important in your journey to being unreliable that you never see anything to a logical c

    Nigerian || Teacher || Tech Enthusiast • Writes to share opinions and reflect on his own view of the world.

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