Let your friends g(r)o(w)!

My sister had to wait two long years after graduation from secondary school to gain admission into Unijos. Those two years of wait were frustrating. She and her friends had made elaborate plans about how they were going to go and rock UJ! But there she was, days after the supplementary list was out without her name on it. She was devastated. Her plight was made worse by the fact that a few of her friends got admission the very first year — they went to uni and left her at home at the mercy of strict curfews and computer training at ECWA computers.
Shortly after they left for school, my sister started noticing some changes in the way this group of friends behaved towards her. She naturally assumed that the change in behaviour was because they were forming university babes. Too many times, I would hear her on the phone saying “Shey it’s because you’re now in UJ". Whenever she had this outbursts, I would always try to suggest that some other reason might have been responsible for the decreased frequency in visits and change in attitude.
We had a conversation about it with my sister a few days ago and she laughed at how stupid she’d been. She too just had a friend who called to say “Shey you don’t call me again because you now have a job?” And we’ve all experienced this. We’ve all had friends who have perceived changes in our behaviour — some of which are really not that significant — and associated such changes with our new status. One could argue that the reason for this is envy, but I think it has to do more with insecurity — our fear that our friends have suddenly become too good for us.
Now that I think of the whole incidence, a new light shines — those changes in attitude were in fact because the girls had gained admission into UJ! How on earth did my sister expect to see or talk to her UJ friends as frequently as she used to? These girls now had lectures, homework, new friendships and relationships to deal with. Seeing each other so frequent was not only impractical but against these girls’ best interest. And the conversation won’t flow as naturally as they used to — while my sister might want to have conversations to relieve the glory days of FGGC or a guy she just met at youth fellowship meeting, they’d now discuss electives, CGPA and overnight parties at Steffan (things my sister didn’t understand yet). My sister eventually saw the light. Unfortunately, most people never do.
Some of your friends have changed. And yes, it’s because of their new marriage, or job, or uni admission. It’s not because they are forming(well, a few of them are) — these changes are necessary for them to perform in these new roles. And guilt-tripping them with “Shey it’s because you’re now a big boy” might affect them and your relationship more than you think.
Bottom-line:
Your friends will change, and it’s not because they love you any less than they used to. You need to allow for these changes and recognise that they are necessary for growth. We’ve sworn to our friends that we will always be real friends and never change on them. But your job as real friends is not to ‘not change’ but to accommodate these changes as you both grow and continue loving each other regardless. Let your friends grow, fam. And the ones that are truly forming, let those ones go.