Work-Life Balance is The Wrong Goal
- how entrepreneurs set themselves up for failure.
I believe we do ourselves a disservice in the startup community differentiating between work and life and then demanding we find balance between the two. As entrepreneurs we often hear about “work-life balance” and it’s typically presented as an ultimatum: Achieve it and be deemed successful. Don’t achieve it and be deemed a failure. Therein lies the problem: I believe work-life balance is the wrong goal for entrepreneurs because life doesn’t require balance, it requires harmony.
What we do with our time and energy IS our life. By compartmentalizing the things we do with our time and talents as either “work” or “life” we preclude ourselves from finding homeostasis between the things that occupy us because we’ve not only isolated interrelated experiences, but put in opposition things that are not in opposition to one another. Further, in pursuing “work-life balance” we’ve literally declared that there are only “work” activities and “life” activities so an entrepreneur must lead two contrasting existences: one as a professional and the other as a person. An entrepreneur is then required to balance those two existences in hopes of achieving the fabled “work-life balance.” That defies logic, in my opinion. It’s an almost guaranteed path to failure because it was never achievable to begin with.
Balance, we must remember, is a pursuit just like happiness. It is not a destination and it is no more permanent than a feather resting in a tornado. Balance is unreliable, but achievable in both fleeting and prolonged moments. If balance is our goal our challenge becomes stringing together as many moments of balance closely enough together so that we generally feel at ease. This is a REALLY difficult task and if our success is tied to our ability to achieve balance we are sure to fail, all of us.
Lack of balance creates turmoil, which destroys calm. The Dalai Lama says:
“Calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health.”
We know this to be true in business, in love, in art, in academics, and in every other aspect of life. A calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence. A calm mind is the answer.
We know that stress hormones like cortisol harm us by increasing blood sugar, suppressing our immune system, and decreasing bone formation (see: osteoporosis). Cortisol can delay wound healing and according to the Mayo Clinic, the long-term activation of the stress-response system — and the subsequent overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones — can disrupt almost all of your body’s processes. This puts you at increased risk of numerous health problems, including anxiety and depression. Failing to manage our cortisol can make us sick, make us “crazy,” make us weak, and make us dead. Where balance is absent, stress prevails. It would seem that balance may preclude cortisol? Perhaps that’s a reach, perhaps not?
But is “balance” the correct pursuit? Instead of the word “balance” I prefer the word “harmony” because it means many things are working together in concert. Balance, in my mind’s eye, always appears as 2 contradictory things across from one another teetering on a pivot between them trying to find a tenuous middle ground. Balance looks and feels a lot like conflict. Instead, harmony comprises many things and requires no middle ground between them, no equity, it only requires of each thing to find its own stasis amongst the others. Harmony, to me, seems much more achievable and much less adversarial. It also seems much more accurate as life usually entails many things not always in direct opposition to one another, but coexisting within us.
Marcus Aurelius said:
“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.”
The universe is a big place comprised of many things. So too is the ambition and desire of each human being, especially entrepreneurs. Harmony, universal harmony. Inside us and around us. That’s a goal I believe we can all achieve each day, but we have to work for it. We have to prioritize it.
Let’s be clear, we are entrepreneurs and entrepreneurial things are what we do with some of our time and energy. Entrepreneurship should not be our entire life and it is not in opposition to the other things we are/do. We are also husbands, wives, friends, lovers, parents, teammates, teachers, players, artists, athletes, builders, siblings, musicians, scholars, and so on. Together, all of these things, including business, comprise our life. I believe the smarter conversation does not revolve around achieving elusive “balance,” but rather the process of living harmoniously within ourselves by not pitting one activity or responsibility against another, but letting them all coexist fluidly. The “balance” competition inside us breeds disharmony. When harmony does not exist within us it is difficult, if not impossible, to create it outside of ourselves. Especially in our startups.
The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered:
“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
What a fate, to destroy ourselves to have it “all” only to realize we have nothing once we’ve lost what is most precious: time and health. All too often, we see this in the startup world... The billion-dollar unicorn Founder/CEO/CTO/VC whose marriage is dead, behaves poorly toward others, parents poorly, and manages his/her health toxically. But they’re “successful” as far as silicon valley, Wall Street, and Inc. magazine are concerned, right? They’ve provided ROI for shareholders and experienced massive exit, but has this person experienced harmony within and outside themselves? Should we really idealize this person? Are they truly a success in life if their accomplishment in business has destroyed everything else around them?
So how do we pursue harmony? Jan Campbell, a nurse and contributing writer on ShareCare.com says:
“When you are living with balance in your life, you are living with peace and harmony every day. Balance comes in physical forms, emotional forms, and a spiritual form. Being in balance may mean something different to each individual. For me, having a balanced life means creating time for the things I have to do, as well as the things I like to do. We must all eat and sleep each day. Many of us must also work. Some go to school. It is up to each of us to create harmony between our life responsibilities while finding time daily, or weekly, to participate in activities that bring us pleasure, personal fulfillment, and rejuvenation. Eating healthy and finding time to do some form of physical exercise on a routine basis creates physical balance in our bodies. Adequate rest and sleep are also necessary for our bodies to rejuvenate and feel refreshed so we are able to take on other activities in our lives.
Balance also means making time for friends and family. This is part of our emotional balance. Having a support system is important and makes us feel cared for and loved, knowing there is someone else that cares about our wellbeing. It is also a good feeling to be supportive for another person that you love and care for. It becomes an equal relationship of giving and receiving, offering equal emotional balance. When a relationship is in balance, the circle of giving and receiving is complete. When this happens you know you have been blessed with a loving and caring person in your life that also recognizes the need for balance. Cherish and appreciate this person always.
It is also important to find quiet and down time as well as fun and playful time. Quiet or down time allows us to rejuvenate and refocus. This becomes our spiritual balance. Your body, mind, and spirit need time to refuel. Take some down time each day to reflect on the things that are important to you. Refuel your soul. This can be done in the form of yoga, meditation, or by simply just being quiet while listening to relaxing music. Use this time to reconnect with your inner spirit. Connect with your self-love and your appreciation for all that you have. You could also use this time to visualize your desires. This will create peace for you within your day and remind you who you really are and what is important.”
10 tips for entrepreneurs seeking a balanced life:
- Take care of your physical and emotional health. Sick = unproductive. Tired = unproductive.
- Practice determining good priorities. You can’t do everything nor should you. Learning to say “no” is one of your secret weapons.
- View time as a tangible asset. Envision handing somebody or something X units of your time and remember you can’t get it back.
- Seek efficiency, but allow for downtime and play. Both are vital to creativity and good health. (downtime and play take and deserve time. It’s ok, do it anyway.)
- Be flowy… expect and welcome the unexpected. Learn from it. Grow.
- Be positive. It’s proven that a positive mindset and grateful nature welcomes positivity and abundance.
- Take risks, but don’t bet the farm. Know what your safety net needs to be and keep it securely in place.
- Be introspective. Go on, ask yourself the hard questions, challenge yourself to be better, but know it’s a process and love yourself for taking it on.
- Love others. Love yourself.
- Remember, the only thing that matters in life is the impact you have on others.
This story is one of many published in my “Ideas Suck!” series found here.
