How to Properly Control Your Children During Zoom Calls
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You are finishing up a Zoom meeting with your boss. She’s just confided that you are in line for a promotion — suddenly your 4 year old stomps in behind you. He declares he’s made a poopy in the potty and addresses your boss by the words you call her at home. Your boss is not amused. Maybe you aren’t ready to handle the Lopez account. Maybe your big sales numbers these last 6 quarters have been a fluke. Maybe it’s time you went your separate ways.
You are not adequately detaining your children, and it shows (obviously, they’re in the room with you). It’s no surprise that 9 out of 11 businesses fail because of children. 9/11. Coincidence? Hardly.
Kids are Smarter Than You Think
It’s important to teach at a young age that their unbridled joy has no place in business or any place that business is conducted or money is made.
Kids can handle the truth. They practically beg for it vis-à-vis their nosiness. Before your next big meeting — sit down with your child and show them your numbers, your portfolio, your peloton bike. Let them know that they are going to single handedly run your business into the ground if they so much as think about interrupting your god damn meeting today. But don’t make them cry, that’s just mean.
Teach them how to start a business
If they’re going to wreck a business, they may as well wreck their own — Like a sandcastle. Take some time to teach them how to apply for a small interest loan, watch The Founder starring Michael Keaton, and maybe buy them an E-Trade account — after all, their mascot is a baby. They’ll realize fairly quickly that this isn’t a walk in their favorite park. You may be asking, How early is too early? Teddy Roosevelt had his first job at 2 years old. Sink or swim.
Buy A Separate House Just For Your Child
Reasoning can be difficult to do with a child, or anyone with a child’s brain. If your business is going to have any chance of success, you may need to resort to drastic measures. Buying a brand new house for your child will bring you that peace and quiet you’ve wanted since the shelter in place began. As a parent, of course, you may worry for their safety. Show them how to prepare for any situation by watching Home Alone with your child, and developing an attack strategy in the event that two washed up actors show up attempting to burglarize the place.
In Conclusion
Don’t let your kids walk all over you. You wear the pants around here. You’re the only one wearing pants around here.
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