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Today I remember, I cherish and I look forward. I want to share a list of things, reasons and stories; all encapsulate me and my learnings. Here’s to year 21.

‘Lucky to reach this age in a world where everything is so sudden, unexpected and out of our control. I don’t waste my time because while it might seem long, it’s only a short time between the good and the bad.’
1) I have suffered anxiety and I’m okay with that
Everyone has some form of burden on their mental health. While it could be the rubbing of personalities or the situation. It’s best to speak up than bury inside. This stigma needs to end, otherwise it will end us.
2) I had to fight to be selfish
Naturally, I assume a selfless role. I donate to people’s charitable causes, I help where I have the resources and I will work for free if it helps the budgets of a company. I have gotten further than I could ever ask for, but I needed to take a slice of cake for myself. Being selfish in situations has led to my own happiness and sense of fulfilment.
3) Secondary immigration at Houston Airport
A defining moment of overcompensation. I had bought gifts for family and declared them on my form for arrival in Houston. This was the time I studied abroad in Texas. I was put through secondary immigration, checked again and had to answer some questions. I had never experienced such fear for what might happen. I lived to tell the tale.
4) People and planes
I’ve met some amazing people on planes. Whether it be because of screechy girls on the way back from Budapest where I met Chance and Mim, or running for my flight in Chicago and I met Lynn. There is a certain sense of all rules are off, self-contained in a box; we all want to get along — even if that means talking all the way through a red-eye flight
5) I avoid eating out
Linked to 1) but I’ve never been a big fan of dining. The claustrophobic environment and pressure often has been too much for me. It’s a known problem and one I’ve actively tried to change. Where I can, I’ll stay comfortable and eat at home.
6) I can’t take a compliment
Maybe it was because I wasn’t praised by anyone apart from parents or teachers, which I took for granted; I’ve never been able to suck up a compliment. I can’t just say ‘thank you’, I always feel it warrants more.
7) Why I always work?
I need to work, because there are problems to be solved. They will take time to solve. I need to learn. I have a limited amount of time to make my impact. I’ll leave this Earth feeling fulfilled or worthless. I’d much rather the former.
8) Golf wonder-kid
I played golf at a high level when I was a pee-wee kid. I didn’t like the game, but I was good at it. Now I love it and have got progressively worse as I’ve prioritised work or univeristy. That’s the game I suppose.
9) Salary or impact?
I think they are both important. You need money to survive so you can make your impact. I want to earn to be comfortable, but I would value an impact over making a lot of money.
10) I walked the length of downtown Fort Worth in 40 degree Celsius heat
One Sunday afternoon, I strolled from the W 7th area to my home in the East of the city. It was hot. I stopped to rest. But I felt the city, its vibe and its character. I will never forget that walk and all the things I wondered, such as moving here, friendliness and compassion.
11) I’ve let friends go
Sometimes it’s okay to say that you have to let people go. Notably, when I decided to be selfish, I’ve had to say a semi-permanent goodbye. I needed to do my things and wanted to release myself and them from the bond. I’ve written about this and will publish it soon as part of a short story anthology (circa July 2019).
12) I’ve made mistakes
I’ve made mistakes because I’m human. I’ve troubled emotions because I’m human. My mistakes have been self-inflicted, as a result of impatience and sometimes to socially conform.
13) Homelessness humbles me
Raising money for the homeless charity, Connections at St Martins, last year was an experience. I don’t look down nor think that homelessness is a massive problem and a sore on society. It’s a representation of the crevasses and apexes of our life and how much we should appreciate those. Some homeless people are the happiest they’ve ever been.
14) How about equal rights?
Understandably, everyone wants to fight for their own freedoms. Cool. But I don’t believe that any corner of society should have more rights or preferences to any other. I don’t agree with singling out communities for their differences, but also not for communities to play on their differences to gain a social advantage.
15) Transcribing holds memories
I transcribe on the train. I block out the noise and focus on listing the words in chronological order to make a sentence. A sentence spoken by the esteemed participant. Each participant took a chance on me. I went to Fort Worth with no contacts and left with the world at my feet. I’m incredibly proud of that achievement.
16) I fail all the time
I quite enjoy the process of failing. It keeps me very humble. I like being told and shown that I’m wrong. I want others to teach by reading and experience. I want to die knowing that I wasn’t a know-it-all and someone always knew more.
17) I’ve only read CHERUB books
I struggle to read a book end-to-end. I don’t think I have managed to do so for a long time. CHERUB books were a blast into the past but they were the last time I read a fictional series. It was a good one too, based on the none others that I had read.
18) Give more than take
For every opportunity I get, I help or give people or entities five times more. If I have money, I will donate it to your charity. So catch me around payday. I will take every interest you and not expect the same in return. I think that’s been the key to my success this year so far.
19) I believe in those who grind
If you put in the grind, you’re putting your neck on the line. You’re vulnerable to criticism and you actually feel a sense of self. It’s hard to feel that amongst all the noise.
20) Why I always think for the alternative solution
Frankly, most people aren’t able to think completely for themselves. Not a bad thing, but in opinionated conversations that corner of the room can often fall flat. I also strongly believe that the current trend of thought will die out soon enough, and a new one will take form. May as well think progressive than hanging onto the coattails of the present.
21) I dream big
I have a very specific dream. I know exactly what I want to achieve and know a rough path to get there. It will take time. I’ll be patient and need people to fortunate with me and take a chance. Many have in the past but it’s the present and future that matters. My life is somewhat in the hands of others, as much as I want to control it. My dream will change my world and the lives of others when achieved. Not if.
21 things, stories and reasons.
I’ll rest my peace and now sleep.
Need to catch up. I’ll take the next two hours of my birthday and spend it relaxing.
Something I do little of.
Grateful, appreciative and welcoming of all new life.
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