Random Existential Crisis
These build up and hit you in the face.
This is the closest I get to a rejection of my own mental stability.
It erupted today.
It’s more of an epiphany than a crisis but the collocation of ‘existential’ and ‘crisis’ is uncanny so alas.
It relates to something I talked about in my blog a few days ago regarding capturing time.
And why I didn’t prioritise myself better.
I spend an inordinate amount of time on social media and it’s sickening.
My realisation amounted to the following:
- Questioning my values
- Affirming that everyone is given 24 hours to live
- Questioning my intentions
- Questioning my future
It was quite holistic for something so short and definitely not sweet.
But I wrote it down in my notebook.
I’m realising the importance of multiple places for notes.
I’ll show an unedited excerpt from those two pages:
Why do I do what I do?
Why do I feel like this degree is a drag?
What would I rather be doing and to what end? I struggle to stay in the present, enjoying and living.
It makes it hard to enjoy anything or improve.
I shouldn’t use social media to procrastinate.
Act abundant not scarce.
Writing has always been my escape.
It makes so much sense on paper.
I messaged some people with my phone number who I usually communicate to on social media and turned off notifications.
Emails is the only thing I’ll get constant notifications about, but that is where I find out about all my opportunities.
I told myself to believe in myself more.
No-one will do it for me.
I do have that belief, I just need to externalise it.
This is what happens when you leave something untouched.
It comes and hits you.
The funny thing is that you are glad it does.
We always look reflectively and think ‘thank God that happened’.
I feel a renewed sense of direction.
Little adjustments are necessary to focus.
Random Existential Crisis