It took me a while to get there (almost nine months), but this is ultimately why I decided to tell the spouse of the man my wife was having an affair with. For so long, I didn’t want her to hurt the way I had when I found out, and didn’t want to be responsible for “causing” it by telling her. I eventually came to the conclusion that I would want to know the truth myself, as painful as it might be to hear, that her husband and my (now) ex-wife were actually the ones that were responsible for that hurt, and also that I was potentially causing her long-term hurt by not telling her. Luckily, she was extremely thankful, said I absolutely did the right thing, and that she wished I would’ve done so sooner, but understood why I debated for so long.
