In a "first world" country, such as the one we live in, we are still promised to encounter suffering. Because of the endless comforts and freedoms we are afforded our minds struggle to comprehend things like persecution from other groups of people. But people are not the only tool in the enemy’s belt. In fact, we’ve been literally and physically wrapped within our own sinful flesh, and it can be weaponized against us when we are weak. I have begun to recognize this because it’s THE aspect of my life that is, and has been, exploited for decades. The choices of my 20’s are stuck on repeat in my dreams every night. Truthfully, I wake up to the reality that it’s just me and I try desperately to fall back to sleep, to no avail. My days are not filled with conscious thoughts of the person or of the times we spent together. And yet, like a ghost meant to haunt me for the rest of my natural life, she visits me almost nightly. I will accept this and I will press on toward the prize, because, it is my personal version of the promised tribulation. It’s certainly one of them, anyway. And I know that the zealous will tear their clothes and scream of my blasphemous assertion. But I do not answer to them. Also, they cannot possibly grasp the depth of the despair or self-hatred I have had to fight through, because I took for granted the only real person I have ever known. The reasons behind my ignorance is an entirely different story. Regardless, this has become the battle for my life.