On belonging and misfitting: a story about representation and identity
I was always the different one. I was the girl who was not behaving “like a lady”, the outspoken one, the loud one, the one who liked the crazy colorful clothes, the one who got her first period at 11. Then, when I was in high school, I was the rebel one, the one that didn't fit the mold, the slut who kissed a boy during recess time and who was bullied because of that. During University, things got better since everyone was different. Diversity was encouraged. But then it came the advertising world, specifically the Creative Department and, damn… things got tough in there. From being “the hot new intern” on a male dominated department with only two women (myself included), with no so much support nor welcoming face from the other female counterpart in there- to once again, the outspoken yet unheard copywriter.
Almost a decade later, after years of effort, tears and hard work, when things had finally started to change, I took the opportunity to look back and I wonder… was it only me? Was myself the only misfit in all those environments?
We all know the answer to this question. We all know it wasn’t just me.
Representation matters. It matters today more than ever since we are all part of the same big book. Our lives are the result of an intertwined network of people, cultures, races, traditions, languages and foods. We are a kaleidoscope of stories. With current people’s mobility and accessibility, everyone is either a WhatsApp message or a flight away.
“Today, after more than a century of electric technology, we have extended our central nervous system itself in a global embrace, abolishing both space and time as far as our planet is concerned.”- Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media, 1964.
The global village, or globalization effect, can be tricky, since people may be tempted to stereotype, unify, washing away and neutralizing ourselves, seeking to belong. The literal possibility of “we can be anybody” is as powerful as it is terrifying. Cheers to the brave ones who have the curiosity to defend and dare to explore the unknown and the different, accepting and celebrating not only the similarities but mostly those things that set us apart, making us unique and special.
And when trying to establish what brings us together and what set us apart is when things get complicated. We start labeling things, people, countries and races, in the legit and normal process of knowing, organizing and understanding the world around us. But what happens when multiple definitions that at a first glance are opposites, collide?
“I used to hate not fitting in, until I realized I was born to stand out.”
For example: I was born in South America, hence that makes me American as per a continent’s name. I am Uruguayan, I am Latina, I have fair skin. I speak Español with a very unique accent. I am a woman. I am single. I have no kids. I’m almost 30.
I am the girl in the boys’ department. I’m the loud one in the conservative industry, and, at the same time that I’m the one who holds the traditional view on an edgier group. I’m the nun and the sl*t. I’m the Western in Asia, the Latina in the States, the one that “looks like us” but “doesn’t speak like us”, the one with an accent, the eccentric one, the one who has been told she’s from Rumania but lives in a Polish neighborhood in Brooklyn and gets along with the Dominicans. I mean.. I almost got deported and put in jail in Malaysia-Brunei Darussalam border just for having double citizenship and two passports to prove it. While celebrating 4th of July in NYC I had more in common with 6 Singaporean friends in a than with 11 Americans.
And I can continue with all the things, characteristics and “labels” that makes me, be me. And that self I’m defining, as Serena puts it, has “never been the right kind of woman”
All these elements just put on evidence that we, as a society, are facing an identity crisis. In Asia I was always an ex-pat. In Sweden and in the States, I’ve been always an immigrant. I once read an article in The Guardian named “Why are white people expats when the rest of us are immigrants?” and I couldn’t be indifferent to this given the fact that reflects a harsh xenophobia, a racist and classist ingrained notion that I experience, as a global citizen, living overseas and being that “ex-pat” or ‘immigrant”, on a daily basis.
I can’t complain, I am one of the few blessed ones, I always had either the companies I work for or my family backing me and my movings, helping me fit in, encouraging me to develop a support network, helped me with legal paperwork and countries bureaucracy, but it’s not the case of the majority of those “immigrants” who either run away or go and bet with their little savings for a better life. This is why, being on a relative privileged position, it’s my duty to bring these issues forward and try to do something about them.
Having diversity included on day to day’s media agenda is healthy and promotes discussion on subjects that today are not well solved in many countries around the world such as inclusion, political representation, equal rights and artistic expression. This by no means will be a solution on itself, but most certainty will ignite heated discussions that may end up on social policies.
The Cultural Industry knows what pays off and now, no longer filling a quota is enough. Genuine curiosity and coverage of those wrongly named minority groups (ever wondered, who the hell label that name?) — being these either the black community, women, asians, latinos, immigrant, elder, children, mentally or physically disabled, LGBTQ community, is requested, necessary, extremely fantastic and today, even profitable — as proven in blockbusters such as Crazy Rich Asians or Black Panther. Those two are more than great movies, those two are the kickstart of a movement. These are the two enshrined stories that shift how mainstream tells Asian and Black narratives. And that’s already a win. That being said, the industry still has a long way to go. While this year Emmy’s nominations -with content such as Atlanta, Insecure, Killing Eve and the Handmaid’s Tale,- show we’re heading in a better direction, Hollywood is still by and large dominated by white men, both in front of and behind the camera. It’s important not to lose sight of that.
It’s true and I’m not naif. It’s impossible to cover all the possibilities of stories and people — thankfully, that means the source of creativity and stories would be endless — but most certainly, the challenge of belonging can be more accurately represented in media, capturing the whole scope of people and the nuances of their struggles. This contributes to a more inclusive society, with higher levels of tolerance and richer storytelling techniques that may and will vary from eye to eye, pen to pen, lens to lens. We all have a role to play in changing the exclusive narrative towards a more raw, real and more faithful reality.
There’s another big challenge, which media representation can contribute to mitigate, and, in my opinion, is one of the hardest to actually fight back against: the self prejudice and self notion to hold back because of fear or due to that ingrained pre-notion society labeled us with. It’s the constant battle fought between carrying that supposed “cross” or “stigma” that goes against what the status quo says vs. truly self acceptance, love and embrace.
Own that pride without filter, without isolation. Become your ruthless truth — people are not ready, and yes, it may be shocking at the beginning, but it’s the only way to not lose sight of what matters: belonging and becoming the best version of yourself, which can only be done by self acceptance and embrace.
I guess in our own ways we always struggle to “belong”. What takes years, tears and wisdom is to realize that there’s no mold to fit, f*ck the mold. Create your own. Today, innovative molds, different molds are the new cool: too cool that everyone is falling into the trap of belonging to the non-belonging category. Dont do it. And the best way to avoid is just being yourself: everyone else is already taken.
“I realized that I needed to be the driver of the stories I was interested in”- J.Spiro
So, go ahead, tell your story, amuse the world with your uniqueness, with those hidden details that makes you be you. And that way, we’ll make sure the representation scope is covered.
What’s your story?
