With Hurricane Harvey, How Can the Government Screw Up an Evacuation Plan So Royally?

Daniel Berenson
Aug 26, 2017 · 3 min read
Screenshots courtesy of MSNBC

Hurricane Harvey is four hours away from hitting the Texas coast full force. Above is a screenshot from a video shown on MSNBC thirty minutes ago. To make things clear for those of you without eyes, at the left are three lanes of traffic — going very slowly, by the way — doing their damndest to get the hell out of Dodge, just like the government told them to do. At the right you see a few vehicles making their way toward the storm. Can you come up with an easy fix here? Or at least a way to make the evacuation effort more efficient by 67%?

I think you can.

Below is a long view of the same traffic fiasco.

We have seen this before! The outgoing lanes are jammed, the incoming lanes are practically empty.

Here’s an idea. Why don’t you convert two of the three incoming lanes to outgoing lanes? You will immediately increase the outgoing lanes from 3 to 5. The problem isn’t solved but it’s certainly ameliorated to some extent.

Yes, it might involve putting up some signs along the highway. Or cones between lanes. Yes, it might involve some policeman directing some traffic. But with all the forces of the state and federal response teams claiming to be all geared up, couldn’t ANYONE think of this?

And yes, it is done other places. When I visited San Francisco I noted that on the Golden Gate Bridge, there were more incoming lanes in the morning (during rush hours) and more outgoing lanes in the afternoon (also during rush hours). All they did was move some cones (or dividers) one lane over during the midday.

Not really that hard!

To quote the great Casey Stengel when he was managing the hapless New York Mets of 1962, “Can’t anybody here play this game?
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
About the Author: Normally Daniel Berenson is supposed to be taking care of Freaky Dude Books (Humor for Kids, Teenagers, and Maturity-Challenged Adults). Also he’s only one story short of finishing Stories Guaranteed to Make You Even Sicker, which he’ll eventually put on sale with his other books at Amazon, Apple, et al. But he’s been off swimming his a** off trying to maintain what’s left of his shape (and yes, “spherical” is a shape) and trying to memorize Reik songs to improve his Spanish and he also just finished his third semester teaching English to recent immigrants and the new semester starts in a week.

Please follow me if you wish. I’d like that. I’ll be back with more articles. My mind is a fertile if unsanitary place, and the home of many suspect colonies of growth.

)

“Always trying. Very trying!” sums it up for Daniel, creator of Stories Guaranteed to Make You Sick, Dr. Crankenfuss books, Moose Jokes, & now Practically News.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade