My grammar sucks, I need a better profile picture and many more excuses not to write

I have just spend 5 minutes surfing the internet to try and find a good picture to transition between the title and the text and I could not but to laugh, for that is the point of this story today.

So gather around children, it’s story time.

Paint is rather limited, or is it my talent? Naah, definitely paint.

So back in 2015 I had a band for like a two months or so. Sorry didn´t hear that? Ah, what was our name? Well that is a good question.

We didn’t have one! And how many songs we could play together, you ask? A half of one. Well actually, it was 2/5, but half sounds better.

We would practice for around 15 minutes, before everybody would start playing their own thing. When we were done with that and felt good about ourselves, for taking action, we would start to brainstorm about our name.

We would come up with a good one, google it and it exist. So then came the usually suspects: The rolling wood (The rolling stones), Iron balloons (Led Zeppelin), The crickets (The Beatles) and after an hour of that, we would start combining the things we see around ourselves; The wooden floors, The window closets etc., etc.

I think we can all conclude why we never made it and could never play more than a half of a song.

Is anybody else familiar with this story?

I always had a way with words and have been described by my teacher as eloquent once and honestly, I knew it was a good thing, but I had to google to see how good of a thing that is.

It is pretty good.

So in 2016 I was going through agony that is known as doing a job you hate and decided, screw this, I am going to earn money in my own way, with my passion!

I WANT TO BE A WRITER!!!

And nothing happened. I posted something, somewhere (descriptive as always) and I got this great comment that fueled me.

One day, this guy is going to be a great writer.

Fueled by the good feelings and recognition I got for that article I wrote another one, trying to capture the same idea, the same emotions and it bombed. I also got into a comment war with some guy that lasted for 4–5 days.

I felt so bad, so dejected to the point that I haven´t written anything for 6 months.

I needed to improve, I knew that, but I wasn´t improving my writing, I was distracting myself from the pain of the truth.

Instead of writing, I learned Photoshop! Reasons? Well, I do need a quality click bait picture, today is all about the pictures and a better profile picture as well. And after that, I started an online course to learn English grammar, because I am not a native English speaker, I need to be prefect.

And after that I learned about WordPress and decided, now is the time to start.

I spend my whole day on this free WordPress page. Did anybody ever tried to make a free blog, using only the free templets and try to make that page as perfect as they can see it in their mind, but only using free tools?

It sucks and it is frustrating as hell.

I spend countless of hours trying to find and set up the perfect picture and pick up a perfect font and the color for it.

How many words I wrote, none. How many of the things I learned, I remember now? None.

I have totally given up on my dream to write, it was too hard and I can´t work and write in the same time. Or so it seemed.

Decision has been made. Instead of “wanna be” I am going to be a “gonna be”!

I am not a photograph and although, I am fascinated by it, it is not what I want to be and so I have forgot how to use the Photoshop. That means, a profile picture like this will have to do;

And I am not an English teacher. I do admit that sometimes I still mix “then” and “than”, but so many average Americans do. I make mistakes, but aj don right lajk dis, at least. So I have forgotten some grammatical rules, so what.

And am also not a web designer, programmer or graphical designer and it is not what I want to be, so I have forgotten how to use WordPress.

But I haven´t forgot how to write.

And that painful truth I was distracting myself from, so painful that I kept on making excuses not to do this?

You have to write to be good, you need to learn while doing, you need to put yourself out there and you need to fail to succeed. I wanted to learn in my solitude and become an “instant Ernest Hemingway”, to never be criticized, to be perfect without trying, but it doesn´t work like that.

Although, a thought of failure, criticism and even worse, nobody reading this is terrifying, a thought of unexplored potential, a life in mediocrity not sharing my gift with the world, not giving, but living my life by needing from others, terrifies me more.

And so I am going to write and, by writing, I am going to learn the distinction between “than” and “then” and by writing I am going to probably learn a bit of Photoshop and Webpage building, marketing and philosophy behind marketing.

All of that I can learn by writing, everything in life is connected, hell; I learned so much about how life works, by playing the guitar.

Learning by doing is the name of the game!

So let´s get this party started!